一
One
あわただしく、玄関をあける音が聞えて、私はその音で、眼をさましましたが、それは泥酔の夫の、深夜の帰宅にきまっているのでございますから、そのまま黙って寝ていました。
The abrupt sound of the front door opening woke me, but it could only be my husband coming home dead drunk in the middle of the night, so I simply lay there in silence, still in bed.
夫は、隣の部屋に電気をつけ、はあっはあっ、とすさまじく荒い呼吸をしながら、机の引出しや本箱の引出しをあけて掻きまわし、何やら捜している様子でしたが、やがて、どたりと畳に腰をおろして坐ったような物音が聞えまして、あとはただ、はあっはあっという荒い呼吸ばかりで、何をしている事やら、私が寝たまま、
My husband turned on the light in the next room and, breathing hard and rough — hah, hah — pulled open the drawers of his desk and his bookcase and rummaged through them, seeming to be searching for something; presently I heard what sounded like the thud of him dropping down onto the tatami to sit, and after that there was nothing but that harsh breathing, hah, hah, and not knowing what he might be doing, I, still lying there,
「おかえりなさいまし。ごはんは、おすみですか？ お戸棚に、おむすびがございますけど」
"Welcome home. Have you eaten? There are rice balls in the cupboard."
と申しますと、
When I said this,
「や、ありがとう」といつになく優しい返事をいたしまして、「坊やはどうです。熱は、まだありますか？」とたずねます。
"Oh, thank you," he answered, with an unaccustomed gentleness, and then asked, "How's the boy? Does he still have a fever?"
これも珍らしい事でございました。坊やは、来年は四つになるのですが、栄養不足のせいか、または夫の酒毒のせいか、病毒のせいか、よその二つの子供よりも小さいくらいで、歩く足許さえおぼつかなく、言葉もウマウマとか、イヤイヤとかを言えるくらいが関の山で、脳が悪いのではないかとも思われ、私はこの子を銭湯に連れて行きはだかにして抱き上げて、あんまり小さく醜く痩せているので、凄しくなって、おおぜいの人の前で泣いてしまった事さえございました。そうしてこの子は、しょっちゅう、おなかをこわしたり、熱を出したり、夫は殆ど家に落ちついている事は無く、子供の事など何と思っているのやら、坊やが熱を出しまして、と私が言っても、あ、そう、お医者に連れて行ったらいいでしょう、と言って、いそがしげに二重廻しを羽織ってどこかへ出掛けてしまいます。お医者に連れて行きたくっても、お金も何も無いのですから、私は坊やに添寝して、坊やの頭を黙って撫でてやっているより他は無いのでございます。
This too was a rare thing. Our boy would turn four next year, but whether from lack of nourishment, or from the poison of his father's drink, or from some sickness, he was smaller even than other children of two, unsteady even in his footing when he walked, and the most he could manage in the way of words was something like yum-yum or no-no, so that I even wondered whether there might be something wrong with his mind; once, when I took him to the public bath and lifted him up naked in my arms, he was so small and ugly and thin that I grew forlorn and found myself crying in front of a crowd of people. And this child was forever upsetting his stomach or running a fever, while my husband was almost never settled at home, and what he thought about the child, if anything, I could not say — when I told him the boy had a fever, he would only say, ah, is that so, you had better take him to the doctor, and hurry off somewhere with his cloak thrown over his shoulders. Even when I wanted to take him to a doctor, we had no money, nothing at all, so there was nothing for me to do but lie down beside the boy and silently stroke his head.
けれどもその夜はどういうわけか、いやに優しく、坊やの熱はどうだ、など珍らしくたずねて下さって、私はうれしいよりも、何だかおそろしい予感で、脊筋が寒くなりました。何とも返辞の仕様が無く黙っていますと、それから、しばらくは、ただ、夫の烈しい呼吸ばかり聞えていましたが、
But that night, for some reason, he was strangely gentle, and it was unusual of him to ask how the boy's fever was doing; more than gladness, I felt a kind of dreadful foreboding, and a chill ran down my spine. Not knowing how to answer, I said nothing, and for a while after that there was nothing to be heard but my husband's harsh, ragged breathing, until
「ごめん下さい」
"Excuse me."
と、女のほそい声が玄関で致します。私は、総身に冷水を浴びせられたように、ぞっとしました。
came a thin woman's voice at the front door. It was as though cold water had been dashed over my whole body, and I went cold with dread.
「ごめん下さい。大谷さん」
"Excuse me. Mr. Ōtani."
こんどは、ちょっと鋭い語調でした。同時に、玄関のあく音がして、
This time her tone was a little sharper. At the same moment I heard the front door slide open, and
「大谷さん！ いらっしゃるんでしょう？」
"Mr. Ōtani! You're in there, aren't you?"
と、はっきり怒っている声で言うのが聞えました。
she said, and I could hear plainly that she was angry.
夫は、その時やっと玄関に出た様子で、
My husband, it seemed, only then finally came out to the entryway, and
「なんだい」
"What is it."
と、ひどくおどおどしているような、まの抜けた返辞をいたしました。
he answered, in a terribly timid-seeming, vacant sort of reply.
「なんだいではありませんよ」と女は、声をひそめて言い、「こんな、ちゃんとしたお家もあるくせに、どろぼうを働くなんて、どうした事です。ひとのわるい冗談はよして、あれを返して下さい。でなければ、私はこれからすぐ警察に訴えます」
"What is it, indeed," the woman said, lowering her voice. "When you have a proper home like this, what do you mean by turning thief? Stop this cruel joke and give it back. If you don't, I'll go straight to the police this very minute."
「何を言うんだ。失敬な事を言うな。ここは、お前たちの来るところでは無い。帰れ！ 帰らなければ、僕のほうからお前たちを訴えてやる」
"What are you saying. Don't say such insolent things. This is no place for the likes of you to come. Go home! If you don't go home, I'll be the one to report you to the police."
その時、もうひとりの男の声が出ました。
At that, another man's voice spoke up.
「先生、いい度胸だね。お前たちの来るところではない、とは出かした。呆れてものが言えねえや。他の事とは違う。よその家の金を、あんた、冗談にも程度がありますよ。いままでだって、私たち夫婦は、あんたのために、どれだけ苦労をさせられて来たか、わからねえのだ。それなのに、こんな、今夜のような情ねえ事をし出かしてくれる。先生、私は見そこないましたよ」
"Sensei, that's some nerve. 'No place for the likes of us to come' — well said. I'm too dumbfounded to even answer. This isn't like other things. Stealing money out of somebody else's house — there's a limit to what's funny, even as a joke. There's no telling how much trouble my wife and I have been put through on your account, up to now. And after all that, you go and pull a disgraceful stunt like tonight's. Sensei, I misjudged you."
「ゆすりだ」と夫は、威たけ高に言うのですが、その声は震えていました。「恐喝だ。帰れ！ 文句があるなら、あした聞く」
"This is extortion," my husband said, in a blustering, high-handed tone, but his voice was trembling. "It's blackmail. Go home! If you have a complaint, I'll hear it tomorrow."
「たいへんな事を言いやがるなあ、先生、すっかりもう一人前の悪党だ。それではもう警察へお願いするより手がねえぜ」
"Listen to you, sensei — you've turned into a full-grown crook. Well, then, there's nothing left for us but to go to the police."
その言葉の響きには、私の全身鳥肌立ったほどの凄い憎悪がこもっていました。
There was such a fearful hatred in the ring of those words that it raised gooseflesh over my whole body.
「勝手にしろ！」と叫ぶ夫の声は既に上ずって、空虚な感じのものでした。
"Do as you please!" my husband shouted, but his voice had already gone shrill, and it had a hollow ring to it.
私は起きて寝巻きの上に羽織を引掛け、玄関に出て、二人のお客に、
I got up, threw a haori over my nightclothes, and went out to the entryway, and to our two visitors
「いらっしゃいまし」
"Welcome."
と挨拶しました。
I said, in greeting.
「や、これは奥さんですか」
"Ah, this would be the wife, then?"
膝きりの短い外套を着た五十すぎくらいの丸顔の男のひとが、少しも笑わずに私に向ってちょっと首肯くように会釈しました。
said the round-faced man past fifty, wearing a short overcoat that came to his knees, giving me a little nod of a bow, without the faintest smile.
女のほうは四十前後の痩せて小さい、身なりのきちんとしたひとでした。
The woman was a small, thin person of around forty, neatly dressed.
「こんな夜中にあがりまして」
"Calling on you like this, in the middle of the night —"
とその女のひとは、やはり少しも笑わずにショールをはずして私にお辞儀をかえしました。
said the woman, and she too, without the faintest smile, took off her shawl and returned my bow.
その時、矢庭に夫は、下駄を突っかけて外に飛び出ようとしました。
At that moment my husband suddenly thrust his feet into his geta and tried to bolt outside.
「おっと、そいつあいけない」
"Whoa there, that won't do."
男のひとは、その夫の片腕をとらえ、二人は瞬時もみ合いました。
The man caught my husband by one arm, and the two of them grappled for a moment.
「放せ！ 刺すぞ」
"Let go! I'll stab you."
夫の右手にジャックナイフが光っていました。そのナイフは、夫の愛蔵のものでございまして、たしか夫の机の引出しの中にあったので、それではさっき夫が家へ帰るなり何だか引出しを掻きまわしていたようでしたが、かねてこんな事になるのを予期して、ナイフを捜し、懐にいれていたのに、違いありません。
There in my husband's right hand a jackknife gleamed. That knife was one he treasured, and I was sure it had been kept in his desk drawer — so that was what he had been rummaging for in the drawer just now, the moment he got home; he must have foreseen that things would come to this, and had gone searching for the knife to tuck away inside his coat.
男のひとは身をひきました。そのすきに夫は大きい鴉のように二重廻しの袖をひるがえして、外に飛び出しました。
The man drew back. In that instant my husband, his cloak sleeves flaring out like the wings of some great crow, bolted outside.
「どろぼう！」
"Thief!"
と男のひとは大声を挙げ、つづいて外に飛び出そうとしましたが、私は、はだしで土間に降りて男を抱いて引きとめ、
the man shouted, and made to rush out after him, but I stepped down barefoot onto the earthen floor and threw my arms around him to hold him back, saying,
「およしなさいまし。どちらにもお怪我があっては、なりませぬ。あとの始末は、私がいたします」
"Please, stop. It mustn't come to anyone getting hurt, either of you. I'll see to setting things right afterward."
と申しますと、傍から四十の女のひとも、
When I said this, the woman of about forty, standing beside him, added,
「そうですね、とうさん。気ちがいに刃物です。何をするかわかりません」
"That's right, dear. A madman with a blade — there's no telling what he'll do."
と言いました。
she said.
「ちきしょう！ 警察だ。もう承知できねえ」
"Damn it! The police. I won't stand for this any longer."
ぼんやり外の暗闇を見ながら、ひとりごとのようにそう呟き、けれども、その男のひとの総身の力は既に抜けてしまっていました。
Gazing blankly out into the darkness, he murmured that to himself, as if talking to no one in particular, but the strength had already drained out of the man's whole body.
「すみません。どうぞ、おあがりになって、お話を聞かして下さいまし」
"I'm sorry. Please, won't you come in, and let me hear what you have to say."
と言って私は式台にあがってしゃがみ、
So I said, and I went up onto the entryway step and crouched down,
「私でも、あとの始末は出来るかも知れませんから。どうぞ、おあがりになって、どうぞ。きたないところですけど」
"Even I might be able to see to whatever needs settling afterward. Please, come in, please. It's a filthy place, but—"
二人の客は顔を見あわせ、幽かに首肯き合って、それから男のひとは様子をあらため、
The two visitors looked at each other, gave the faintest of nods, and then the man composed himself,
「何とおっしゃっても、私どもの気持は、もうきまっています。しかし、これまでの経緯は一応、奥さんに申し上げて置きます」
"Whatever you may say, our minds are already made up. Still, I'll go ahead and tell you, ma'am, how things have stood up to now."
「はあ、どうぞ。おあがりになって。そうして、ゆっくり」
"Yes, please. Do come in. And then, take your time."
「いや、そんな、ゆっくりもしておられませんが」
"No, well, we can hardly take our time about it."
と言い、男のひとは外套を脱ぎかけました。
he said, and the man started to take off his overcoat.
「そのままで、どうぞ。お寒いんですから、本当に、そのままで、お願いします。家の中には火の気が一つも無いのでございますから」
"Please, just as you are. It's cold, really, please just as you are. There isn't a bit of fire in the house."
「では、このままで失礼します」
"Then we'll trouble you just as we are."
「どうぞ。そちらのお方も、どうぞ、そのままで」
"Please. You too, ma'am — please, just as you are."
男のひとがさきに、それから女のひとが、夫の部屋の六畳間にはいり、腐りかけているような畳、破れほうだいの障子、落ちかけている壁、紙がはがれて中の骨が露出している襖、片隅に机と本箱、それもからっぽの本箱、そのような荒涼たる部屋の風景に接して、お二人とも息を呑んだような様子でした。
The man went first, and then the woman, into my husband's six-mat room, and faced with the sight of that desolate room — the tatami all but rotting, the paper sliding doors torn to shreds, the wall on the point of collapse, the sliding door with its paper peeled away so the bare frame showed through, and in the corner a desk and a bookcase, an empty bookcase at that — both of them seemed to catch their breath.
破れて綿のはみ出ている座蒲団を私はお二人にすすめて、
I offered the two of them a cushion, torn, with the cotton stuffing poking out,
「畳が汚うございますから、どうぞ、こんなものでも、おあてになって」
"The tatami is filthy, so please, even something like this, do sit on it."
と言い、それから改めてお二人に御挨拶を申しました。
I said, and then I formally greeted the two of them properly.
「はじめてお目にかかります。主人がこれまで、たいへんなご迷惑ばかりおかけしてまいりましたようで、また、今夜は何をどう致しました事やら、あのようなおそろしい真似などして、おわびの申し上げ様もございませぬ。何せ、あのような、変った気象の人なので」
"How do you do. It seems my husband has done nothing but cause you the most terrible trouble all this while, and tonight, whatever it was he did, doing such a frightening thing — I have no way even to apologize. He is, after all, a man of such a strange temperament."
と言いかけて、言葉がつまり、落涙しました。
So I began, but the words caught in my throat, and I broke down in tears.
「奥さん。まことに失礼ですが、いくつにおなりで？」
"Ma'am. This is truly rude of me, but how old are you?"
と男のひとは、破れた座蒲団に悪びれず大あぐらをかいて、肘をその膝の上に立て、こぶしで顎を支え、上半身を乗り出すようにして私に尋ねます。
the man asked me, sitting cross-legged on the torn cushion without the least embarrassment, legs wide apart, propping an elbow on his knee, resting his chin on his fist, and leaning his upper body forward toward me.
「あの、私でございますか？」
"Oh — me?"
「ええ。たしか旦那は三十、でしたね？」
"Yes. Your husband is thirty, I believe?"
「はあ、私は、あの、……四つ下です」
"Yes, well, I am... four years younger."
「すると、二十、六、いやこれはひどい。まだ、そんなですか？ いや、その筈だ。旦那が三十ならば、そりゃその筈だけど、おどろいたな」
"Then that makes you twenty — six. No, this is terrible. Still only that? No, well, that's only natural. If your husband is thirty, then of course that's how it would be, but still, I'm amazed."
「私も、さきほどから」と女のひとは、男のひとの脊中の蔭から顔を出すようにして、「感心しておりました。こんな立派な奥さんがあるのに、どうして大谷さんは、あんなに、ねえ」
"I too, since a while ago" — the woman said, poking her face out from behind the man's back — "have been marveling. With such a fine wife as this, why does Mr. Ōtani go and — really, isn't it—"
「病気だ。病気なんだよ。以前はあれほどでもなかったんだが、だんだん悪くなりやがった」
"It's a sickness. It's a sickness, that's what it is. He wasn't nearly this bad before, but he's gone and gotten worse and worse."
と言って大きい溜息をつき、
he said, and heaved a great sigh,
「実は、奥さん」とあらたまった口調になり、「私ども夫婦は、中野駅の近くに小さい料理屋を経営していまして、私もこれも上州の生れで、私はこれでも堅気のあきんどだったのでございますが、道楽気が強い、というのでございましょうか、田舎のお百姓を相手のケチな商売にもいや気がさして、かれこれ二十年前、この女房を連れて東京へ出て来まして、浅草の、或る料理屋に夫婦ともに住込みの奉公をはじめまして、まあ人並に浮き沈みの苦労をして、すこし蓄えも出来ましたので、いまのあの中野の駅ちかくに、昭和十一年でしたか、六畳一間に狭い土間附きのまことにむさくるしい小さい家を借りまして、一度の遊興費が、せいぜい一円か二円の客を相手の、心細い飲食店を開業いたしまして、それでもまあ夫婦がぜいたくもせず、地道に働いて来たつもりで、そのおかげか焼酎やらジンやらを、割にどっさり仕入れて置く事が出来まして、その後の酒不足の時代になりましてからも、よその飲食店のように転業などせずに、どうやら頑張って商売をつづけてまいりまして、また、そうなると、ひいきのお客もむきになって応援をして下さって、所謂あの軍官の酒さかなが、こちらへも少しずつ流れて来るような道を、ひらいて下さるお方もあり、対米英戦がはじまって、だんだん空襲がはげしくなって来てからも、私どもには足手まといの子供は無し、故郷へ疎開などする気も起らず、まあこの家が焼ける迄は、と思って、この商売一つにかじりついて来て、どうやら罹災もせず終戦になりましたのでほっとして、こんどは大ぴらに闇酒を仕入れて売っているという、手短かに語ると、そんな身の上の人間なのでございます。
"Actually, ma'am" — his tone turned formal — "the two of us, my wife and I, run a small tavern near Nakano Station; both of us were born up in Jōshū, and I myself was, if I do say so, a decent, honest tradesman, but I suppose you'd call it a taste for pleasure-seeking — I grew sick of the petty trade of dealing with country farmers, and about twenty years back now, I brought this wife of mine up to Tokyo, and the two of us went into live-in service at a certain restaurant in Asakusa, and, well, we had our ordinary share of ups and downs same as anyone, and once we'd put by a little money, we rented — this would have been Shōwa eleven, I think — a wretched, cramped little house near that same Nakano Station, just one six-mat room with a narrow dirt-floor entry, and opened up a shabby little eating-and-drinking place for customers who'd spend at most a yen or two on an evening's amusement, and even so, the two of us didn't go in for any extravagance, we meant to work honestly and steadily, and maybe that's why we managed to lay in a fair stock of shōchū and gin and the like, and even after it got to be a time when liquor ran short, we didn't switch trades the way the other places did, we somehow kept at it and hung on, and once we'd done that, our regular customers got quite worked up on our behalf and backed us, and there were some who opened up a way for us to get hold of, bit by bit, what they call that military-officer liquor and food, and even after the war against America and England began and the air raids grew worse and worse, we had no children to be a burden and hindrance to us, and we never felt like evacuating to the country either, so we thought, well, so long as this house doesn't burn down, and we clung to this one trade of ours, and somehow we came through the war without being bombed out, and once it ended we breathed easy, and now this time we're bringing in black-market liquor openly and selling it — to put it briefly, that is the sort of people we are.
けれども、こうして手短かに語ると、さして大きな難儀も無く、割に運がよく暮して来た人間のようにお思いになるかも知れませんが、人間の一生は地獄でございまして、寸善尺魔、とは、まったく本当の事でございますね。一寸の仕合せには一尺の魔物が必ずくっついてまいります。人間三百六十五日、何の心配も無い日が、一日、いや半日あったら、それは仕合せな人間です。あなたの旦那の大谷さんが、はじめて私どもの店に来ましたのは、昭和十九年の、春でしたか、とにかくその頃はまだ、対米英戦もそんなに負けいくさでは無く、いや、そろそろもう負けいくさになっていたのでしょうが、私たちにはそんな、実体、ですか、真相、ですか、そんなものはわからず、ここ二、三年頑張れば、どうにかこうにか対等の資格で、和睦が出来るくらいに考えていまして、大谷さんがはじめて私どもの店にあらわれた時にも、たしか、久留米絣の着流しに二重廻しを引っかけていた筈で、けれども、それは大谷さんだけでなく、まだその頃は東京でも防空服装で身をかためて歩いている人は少く、たいてい普通の服装でのんきに外出できた頃でしたので、私どもも、その時の大谷さんの身なりを、別段だらし無いとも何とも感じませんでした。大谷さんは、その時、おひとりではございませんでした。奥さんの前ですけれども、いや、もう何も包みかくし無く洗いざらい申し上げましょう、旦那は、或る年増女に連れられて店の勝手口からこっそりはいってまいりましたのです。
But if I tell it this briefly, you might think we were people who came through without much real hardship, fairly lucky in our way — but a human life is hell, ma'am, and that saying, an inch of good luck brings a foot of devil, is the plain truth of it. One inch of happiness always comes with a foot of some devil clinging to it. Out of the year's three hundred sixty-five days, if there's even one day — no, even half a day — with nothing at all to worry about, that's a fortunate person indeed. It was in the spring of Shōwa nineteen, I believe, when your husband Mr. Ōtani first came to our shop — anyway, in those days the war against America and England wasn't yet going so badly for us, or, well, perhaps it had already begun going badly by then, but as for the — the substance, is it? the truth of it, is it? — we had no way of knowing anything like that, and we thought if we just held on two or three more years, somehow or other we'd manage a peace on equal terms, and when Mr. Ōtani first appeared at our shop, he was wearing, if I remember, a Kurume-splash kimono with a caped overcoat thrown over it, but that wasn't just Mr. Ōtani — in those days there were still few people in Tokyo who went about dressed for air raids, most could still go out in ordinary clothes without a care, so we didn't think anything in particular, slovenly or otherwise, of Mr. Ōtani's dress at the time. Mr. Ōtani was not alone that time. Forgive me for saying this in front of you, ma'am, but no — let me just tell it all, hiding nothing — your husband came in quietly through the kitchen door, led by a certain older woman.
もっとも、もうその頃は、私どもの店も、毎日おもての戸は閉めっきりで、その頃のはやり言葉で言うと閉店開業というやつで、ほんの少数の馴染客だけ、勝手口からこっそりはいり、そうしてお店の土間の椅子席でお酒を飲むという事は無く、奥の六畳間で電気を暗くして大きい声を立てずに、こっそり酔っぱらうという仕組になっていまして、また、その年増女というのは、そのすこし前まで、新宿のバアで女給さんをしていたひとで、その女給時代に、筋のいいお客を私の店に連れて来て飲ませて、私の家の馴染にしてくれるという、まあ蛇の道はへび、という工合いの附合いをしておりまして、そのひとのアパートはすぐ近くでしたので、新宿のバアが閉鎖になって女給をよしましてからも、ちょいちょい知合いの男のひとを連れてまいりまして、私どもの店にもだんだん酒が少くなり、どんなに筋のいいお客でも、飲み手がふえるというのは、以前ほど有難くないばかりか、迷惑にさえ思われたのですが、しかし、その前の四、五年間、ずいぶん派手な金遣いをするお客ばかり、たくさん連れて来てくれたのでございますから、その義理もあって、その年増のひとから紹介された客には、私どもも、いやな顔をせずお酒を差し上げる事にしていたのでした。だから旦那がその時、その年増のひと、秋ちゃん、といいますが、そのひとに連れられて裏の勝手口からこっそりはいって来ても、別に私どもも怪しむ事なく、れいのとおり、奥の六畳間に上げて、焼酎を出しました。
Mind you, by that time our shop kept its front door shut every single day — closed for business, open all the same, as the slang of the day put it — and only a handful of regular customers came slipping in through the kitchen door, and instead of drinking out at the chairs on the dirt floor of the shop, the arrangement was to get quietly drunk in the back six-mat room with the lights turned low and no loud voices; and as for that older woman, she'd been, not long before, a hostess at a bar in Shinjuku, and back in her hostess days she used to bring good-paying customers around to my shop for a drink and make regulars of them for me — it takes one snake to know another snake's path, as they say, that was the kind of dealing we had — and since her flat was close by, even after the Shinjuku bar closed down and she gave up being a hostess, she'd still now and then bring some man she knew around, but by then liquor had gotten scarcer and scarcer at our shop, so however good-paying the customer, more drinkers coming in wasn't as welcome as it used to be — it had gotten to where it was more of a nuisance, if anything — but still, in the four or five years before that she'd brought us any number of customers who spent quite lavishly, and out of that debt of obligation, we'd made it a rule not to make a sour face and to pour drinks for anyone she introduced to us. So that time, when your husband came slipping in through the back kitchen door led by that older woman — Akichan, her name was — we didn't think anything suspicious of it either, and, as usual, we showed him up to the back six-mat room and brought out the shōchū.
大谷さんは、その晩はおとなしく飲んで、お勘定は秋ちゃんに払わせて、また裏口からふたり一緒に帰って行きましたが、私には奇妙にあの晩の、大谷さんのへんに静かで上品な素振りが忘れられません。魔物がひとの家にはじめて現われる時には、あんなひっそりした、ういういしいみたいな姿をしているものなのでしょうか。その夜から、私どもの店は大谷さんに見込まれてしまったのでした。それから十日ほど経って、こんどは大谷さんがひとりで裏口からまいりまして、いきなり百円紙幣を一枚出して、いやその頃はまだ百円と言えば大金でした、いまの二、三千円にも、それ以上にも当る大金でした、それを無理矢理、私の手に握らせて、たのむ、と言って、気弱そうに笑うのです。もう既に、だいぶ召上っている様子でしたが、とにかく、奥さんもご存じでしょう、あんな酒の強いひとはありません。酔ったのかと思うと、急にまじめな、ちゃんと筋のとおった話をするし、いくら飲んでも、足もとがふらつくなんて事は、ついぞ一度も私どもに見せた事は無いのですからね。人間三十前後は謂わば血気のさかりで、酒にも強い年頃ですが、しかし、あんなのは珍らしい。
Mr. Ōtani drank quietly that night, had Akichan pay the bill, and the two of them went off together again through the back door, but oddly enough, I've never been able to forget his manner that night — how strangely quiet and refined he was. Is that how a devil looks, I wonder, the first time it shows itself in a person's house — that hushed, almost innocent look? From that night on, our shop was marked out by Mr. Ōtani. Then about ten days later, this time he came alone through the back door, and all at once he pulled out a hundred-yen note — no, in those days a hundred yen was still real money, worth two or three thousand of today's yen, or more — and he forced it into my hand and said, I'm asking you, and laughed a weak, sheepish sort of laugh. He already looked as though he'd had a good deal to drink by then, but anyway, you know this yourself, ma'am, there's no one who can hold liquor the way he can. Just when you think he's drunk, he'll suddenly start talking sense, quite coherent, and no matter how much he drinks, I've never once seen him so much as stagger on his feet. A man around thirty is, so to speak, in the full flush of youth, at an age when he can hold his drink well enough, but even so, that was something rare.
その晩も、どこかよそで、かなりやって来た様子なのに、それから私の家で、焼酎を立てつづけに十杯も飲み、まるでほとんど無口で、私ども夫婦が何かと話しかけても、ただはにかむように笑って、うん、うん、とあいまいに首肯き、突然、何時ですか、と時間をたずねて立ち上り、お釣を、と私が言いますと、いや、いい、と言い、それは困ります、と私が強く言いましたら、にやっと笑って、それではこの次まであずかって置いて下さい、また来ます、と言って帰りましたが、奥さん、私どもがあのひとからお金をいただいたのは、あとにもさきにも、ただこの時いちど切り、それからはもう、なんだかんだとごまかして、三年間、一銭のお金も払わずに、私どものお酒をほとんどひとりで、飲みほしてしまったのだから、呆れるじゃありませんか」
That night, too, though it was plain he'd already been drinking quite a bit somewhere else, he went on and drank ten cups of shōchū straight through at our place, and the whole time he hardly said a word — even when the two of us tried talking to him about this and that, he'd just give a bashful sort of smile and nod vaguely, uh-huh, uh-huh, and then all of a sudden he asked what time it was and stood up, and when I said, your change, he said, no, keep it, and when I said firmly, that won't do, he just grinned and said, well then, hold onto it till next time, I'll be back, and off he went — but ma'am, that was the one and only time, first and last, that we ever received any money from that man; after that it was excuse after excuse, and for three years, without paying so much as a single sen, he went and drank up nearly all our liquor by himself — isn't that something to be amazed at?"
思わず、私は、噴き出しました。理由のわからない可笑しさが、ひょいとこみ上げて来たのです。あわてて口をおさえて、おかみさんのほうを見ると、おかみさんも妙に笑ってうつむきました。それから、ご亭主も、仕方無さそうに苦笑いして、
I couldn't help it — I burst out laughing. Some inexplicable urge to laugh had welled up in me all at once. I hurriedly clapped a hand over my mouth and glanced at the proprietress, and she too was laughing strangely, her head bowed. Then her husband, too, gave a helpless, wry laugh, and said,
「いや、まったく、笑い事では無いんだが、あまり呆れて、笑いたくもなります。じっさい、あれほどの腕前を、他のまともな方面に用いたら、大臣にでも、博士にでも、なんにでもなれますよ。私ども夫婦ばかりでなく、あの人に見込まれて、すってんてんになってこの寒空に泣いている人間が他にもまだまだある様子だ。げんにあの秋ちゃんなど、大谷さんと知合ったばかりに、いいパトロンには逃げられるし、お金も着物も無くしてしまうし、いまはもう長屋の汚い一部屋で乞食みたいな暮しをしているそうだが、じっさい、あの秋ちゃんは、大谷さんと知合った頃には、あさましいくらいのぼせて、私たちにも何かと吹聴していたものです。だいいち、ご身分が凄い。四国の或る殿様の別家の、大谷男爵の次男で、いまは不身持のため勘当せられているが、いまに父の男爵が死ねば、長男と二人で、財産をわける事になっている。頭がよくて、天才、というものだ。二十一で本を書いて、それが石川啄木という大天才の書いた本よりも、もっと上手で、それからまた十何冊だかの本を書いて、としは若いけれども、日本一の詩人、という事になっている。
"No, really, it's no laughing matter, but I get so exasperated I want to laugh too. Truly, if he put that much skill of his to some proper use, he could be a cabinet minister, a doctor of learning, anything at all. It's not just the two of us — it seems there are plenty of others out there too, marked out by that man, stripped bare, and left crying under this cold sky. Take that Akichan, for instance — just from getting to know Mr. Ōtani, she lost a good patron who ran off, lost her money, lost her clothes, and now they say she's living like a beggar in one filthy little tenement room, but the truth is, back when Akichan first got to know Mr. Ōtani, she was head over heels, pathetically so, and used to go around bragging to us about him and everything. First of all, his standing — it's really something. Second son of Baron Ōtani, a branch house of some lord down in Shikoku, and though he's disowned now on account of his loose living, once the old baron father dies, the property is to be split between him and the eldest son. He's clever, a genius, that's what he is. Wrote a book at twenty-one, and it's better, they say, than anything that great genius Ishikawa Takuboku ever wrote, and after that he wrote another dozen-odd books besides, and young as he is, he's said to be the finest poet in all of Japan.
おまけに大学者で、学習院から一高、帝大とすすんで、ドイツ語フランス語、いやもう、おっそろしい、何が何だか秋ちゃんに言わせるとまるで神様みたいな人で、しかし、それもまた、まんざら皆うそではないらしく、他のひとから聞いても、大谷男爵の次男で、有名な詩人だという事に変りはないので、こんな、うちの婆まで、いいとしをして、秋ちゃんと競争してのぼせ上って、さすがに育ちのいいお方はどこか違っていらっしゃる、なんて言って大谷さんのおいでを心待ちにしているていたらくなんですから、たまりません。いまはもう、華族もへったくれも無くなったようですが、終戦前までは、女を口説くには、とにかくこの華族の勘当息子という手に限るようでした。へんに女が、くわっとなるらしいんです。やっぱりこれは、その、いまはやりの言葉で言えば奴隷根性というものなんでしょうね。私なんぞは、男の、それも、すれっからしと来ているのでございますから、たかが華族の、いや、奥さんの前ですけれども、四国の殿様のそのまた分家の、おまけに次男なんて、そんなのは何も私たちと身分のちがいがあろう筈が無いと思っていますし、まさかそんな、あさましく、くわっとなったりなどはしやしません。ですけれども、やはり、何だかどうもあの先生は、私にとっても苦手でして、もうこんどこそ、どんなにたのまれてもお酒は飲ませまいと固く決心していても、追われて来た人のように、意外の時刻にひょいとあらわれ、私どもの家へ来てやっとほっとしたような様子をするのを見ると、つい決心もにぶってお酒を出してしまうのです。
And on top of that, a great scholar — went from the Peers' School up through First Higher School to the Imperial University, German, French, oh, it's frightening, whatever it all is, to hear Akichan tell it he's practically a god of a man — but that, too, doesn't seem to be entirely a lie, since I hear the same from other people as well, that he's the second son of Baron Ōtani and a famous poet, no different — so that even that old woman of mine, at her age, gets swept up competing with Akichan over him, saying things like, well, a man of good breeding really is different somehow, and sits there just waiting for Mr. Ōtani to show up — it's more than I can stand. Nowadays there's no such thing as the peerage or any of that left, it seems, but right up until the war ended, if you wanted to seduce a woman, the surest way was, without question, to be a disowned son of the nobility. Something about it seems to make women go strangely wild. I suppose that's what they'd call, in today's slang, a slave mentality of sorts. As for me, being a man, and a jaded one at that, I've always thought a mere nobleman — well, forgive me for saying this in front of you, ma'am — a mere second son of some branch house of some lord down in Shikoku is nothing that could set him apart from the likes of us, and I'd never go so wild over it, pathetically or otherwise. And yet somehow that gentleman is hard for even me to handle, and however firmly I make up my mind that this time, no matter how he begs, I won't pour him a drop — the moment he turns up out of nowhere at some unexpected hour, like a man on the run, and comes into our place looking like he's finally found some relief, my resolve goes soft before I know it, and I end up pouring him his drink anyway.
酔っても、別に馬鹿騒ぎをするわけじゃないし、あれでお勘定さえきちんとしてくれたら、いいお客なんですがねえ。自分で自分の身分を吹聴するわけでもないし、天才だのなんだのとそんな馬鹿げた自慢をした事もありませんし、秋ちゃんなんかが、あの先生の傍で、私どもに、あの人の偉さに就いて広告したりなどすると、僕はお金がほしいんだ、ここの勘定を払いたいんだ、とまるっきり別な事を言って座を白けさせてしまいます。あの人が私どもに今までお酒の代を払った事はありませんが、あのひとのかわりに、秋ちゃんが時々支払って行きますし、また、秋ちゃんの他にも、秋ちゃんに知られては困るらしい内緒の女のひともありまして、そのひとはどこかの奥さんのようで、そのひとも時たま大谷さんと一緒にやって来まして、これもまた大谷さんのかわりに、過分のお金を置いて行く事もありまして、私どもだって、商人でございますから、そんな事でもなかった日には、いくら大谷先生であろうが宮様であろうが、そんなにいつまでも、ただで飲ませるわけにはまいりませんのです。けれども、そんな時たまの支払いだけでは、とても足りるものではなく、もう私どもの大損で、なんでも小金井に先生の家があって、そこにはちゃんとした奥さんもいらっしゃるという事を聞いていましたので、いちどそちらへお勘定の相談にあがろうと思って、それとなく大谷さんにお宅はどのへんでしょうと、たずねる事もありましたが、すぐ勘附いて、無いものは無いんだよ、どうしてそんなに気をもむのかね、喧嘩わかれは損だぜ、などと、いやな事を言います。
Even drunk, he doesn't go in for any foolish carrying-on, and if he'd only settle his bill properly, he'd be a fine customer, really. He never goes around bragging about his own standing himself, and he's never once boasted anything as foolish as being a genius or the like, and if Akichan, say, sitting there by that gentleman, goes on advertising to us how great he is, he'll cut right across her with something entirely different — I want money, I want to pay off my tab here — and it kills the whole mood. That man himself has never once paid us for his liquor, but in his place Akichan comes and pays sometimes, and besides Akichan there's another woman, a secret one it seems, that Akichan mustn't find out about — she seems to be some man's wife somewhere — and she too comes along with Mr. Ōtani now and then, and she too, in his place, will sometimes leave more money than is called for. We're tradespeople ourselves, after all, so if it weren't for things like that, no matter if he were Mr. Ōtani or a prince of the blood, we couldn't just keep pouring him drinks for free forever. But even so, those occasional payments were nowhere near enough, it was a real loss for us, and I'd heard that the gentleman had a house out in Koganei, with a proper wife of his own living there, so I thought I'd go around there once and talk over the bill, and I asked Mr. Ōtani, sort of casually, whereabouts his house might be, but he caught on right away and said something unpleasant like, what I haven't got, I haven't got, why do you worry yourself over it so, it's a loss to part on bad terms, you know.
それでも、私どもは何とかして、先生のお家だけでも突きとめて置きたくて、二、三度あとをつけてみた事もありましたが、そのたんびに、うまく巻かれてしまうのです。そのうちに東京は大空襲の連続という事になりまして、何が何やら、大谷さんが戦闘帽などかぶって舞い込んで来て、勝手に押入れの中からブランデイの瓶なんか持ち出して、ぐいぐい立ったまま飲んで風のように立ち去ったりなんかして、お勘定も何もあったものでなく、やがて終戦になりましたので、こんどは私どもも大っぴらで闇の酒さかなを仕入れて、店先には新しいのれんを出し、いかに貧乏の店でも張り切って、お客への愛嬌に女の子をひとり雇ったり致しましたが、またもや、あの魔物の先生があらわれまして、こんどは女連れでなく、必ず二、三人の新聞記者や雑誌記者と一緒にまいりまして、なんでもこれからは、軍人が没落して今まで貧乏していた詩人などが世の中からもてはやされるようになったとかいうその記者たちの話でございまして、大谷先生は、その記者たちを相手に、外国人の名前だか、英語だか、哲学だか、何だかわけのわからないような、へんな事を言って聞かせて、そうしてひょいと立って外へ出て、それっきり帰りません。記者たちは、興覚め顔に、あいつどこへ行きやがったんだろう、そろそろおれたちも帰ろうか、など帰り支度をはじめ、私は、お待ち下さい、先生はいつもあの手で逃げるのです、お勘定はあなたたちから戴きます、と申します。おとなしく皆で出し合って支払って帰る連中もありますが、大谷に払わせろ、おれたちは五百円生活をしているんだ、と言って怒る人もあります。
Even so, we wanted somehow to at least find out where the gentleman lived, and tried following him two or three times, but each time he gave us the slip neatly. Meanwhile Tokyo fell into one great air raid after another, and I hardly know what to call it, but Mr. Ōtani would come blowing in wearing some sort of combat cap, help himself to a brandy bottle out of the closet without asking, drink it straight down standing up, and vanish again like the wind, and there was no talk of a bill or anything of the kind, and then before long the war ended, and this time we too went out and bought up black-market liquor and food quite openly, hung a new curtain out front, and, poor as the shop still was, we threw ourselves into it and even hired a girl to give the customers a friendly face — but once again that devil of a gentleman turned up, and this time not with a woman but always together with two or three newspaper or magazine reporters, and from what those reporters said, it seems that from now on the military men were falling from grace and poets who'd been poor up to now were going to be made much of by the world, or something like that, and Mr. Ōtani, playing to those reporters, would go on saying odd things I couldn't make head or tail of — foreign names, or English, or philosophy, or whatever it was — and then he'd suddenly get up, step outside, and never come back. The reporters, looking as if the fun had gone out of it, would say, where the hell did that fellow go, I suppose we ought to be getting back too, and start gathering themselves to leave, and I'd say, please wait, the gentleman always makes his getaway that way, I'll be taking the bill from you gentlemen. Some of them would quietly chip in among themselves and pay before going, but others would get angry and say, make Ōtani pay, we're living on five hundred yen a month, you know.
怒られても私は、いいえ、大谷さんの借金が、いままでいくらになっているかご存じですか？ もしあなたたちが、その借金をいくらでも大谷さんから取って下さったら、私は、あなたたちに、その半分は差し上げます、と言いますと、記者たちも呆れた顔を致しまして、なんだ、大谷がそんなひでえ野郎とは思わなかった、こんどからはあいつと飲むのはごめんだ、おれたちには今夜は金は百円も無い、あした持って来るから、それまでこれをあずかって置いてくれ、と威勢よく外套を脱いだりなんかするのでございます。記者というものは柄が悪い、と世間から言われているようですけれども、大谷さんにくらべると、どうしてどうして、正直であっさりして、大谷さんが男爵の御次男なら、記者たちのほうが、公爵の御総領くらいの値打があります。大谷さんは、終戦後は一段と酒量もふえて、人相がけわしくなり、これまで口にした事の無かったひどく下品な冗談などを口走り、また、連れて来た記者を矢庭に殴って、つかみ合いの喧嘩をはじめたり、また、私どもの店で使っているまだはたち前の女の子を、いつのまにやらだまし込んで手に入れてしまった様子で、私どもも実に驚き、まったく困りましたが、既にもう出来てしまった事ですから泣き寝入りの他は無く、女の子にもあきらめるように言いふくめて、こっそり親御の許にかえしてやりました。大谷さん、何ももう言いません、拝むから、これっきり来ないで下さい、と私が申しましても、大谷さんは、闇でもうけているくせに人並の口をきくな、僕はなんでも知っているぜ、と下司な脅迫がましい事など言いまして、またすぐ次の晩に平気な顔してまいります。
Even when they got angry, I'd say, no, do you have any idea how much Mr. Ōtani's debt has come to by now? If you gentlemen could collect any of that debt from Mr. Ōtani, however much, I'd give you half of it — and hearing that, the reporters would look quite taken aback and say, well, we never thought Ōtani was such a rotten fellow, we're done drinking with him from now on, we don't have so much as a hundred yen on us tonight, we'll bring it tomorrow, hold this here till then, and take off their overcoats with sudden gusto. The world says reporters are a rough lot, or so it seems, but compared to Mr. Ōtani, why, they're honest and straightforward, and if Mr. Ōtani is the second son of a baron, those reporters are worth about as much as the eldest son of a duke. After the war ended, Mr. Ōtani's drinking grew heavier still, his face took on a harsh look, and he'd blurt out crude jokes of a kind he'd never once uttered before, and once he suddenly struck a reporter he'd brought along and started a scuffle with him, grabbing at each other, and it seems that somewhere along the way he'd also gone and tricked a girl not yet twenty who worked for us into becoming his, and we were truly shocked and at a complete loss, but since it was already done, there was nothing for it but to swallow our tears, and we talked the girl into giving it up and quietly sent her back to her parents. Even when I said to him, Mr. Ōtani, I won't say another word, I'm begging you, please don't come here anymore, Mr. Ōtani would say something low and half-threatening like, don't talk like an honest man when you're making your money on the black market yourself, I know everything, you know — and then the very next night he'd turn up again as calm as you please.
私どもも、大戦中から闇の商売などして、その罰が当って、こんな化け物みたいな人間を引受けなければならなくなったのかも知れませんが、しかし、今晩のような、ひどい事をされては、もう詩人も先生もへったくれもない、どろぼうです、私どものお金を五千円ぬすんで逃げ出したのですからね。いまはもう私どもも、仕入れに金がかかって、家の中にはせいぜい五百円か千円の現金があるくらいのもので、いや本当の話、売り上げの金はすぐ右から左へ仕入れに注ぎ込んでしまわなければならないんです。今夜、私どもの家に五千円などという大金があったのは、もうことしも大みそかが近くなって来ましたし、私が常連のお客さんの家を廻ってお勘定をもらって歩いて、やっとそれだけ集めてまいりましたのでして、これはすぐ今夜にでも仕入れのほうに手渡してやらなければ、もう来年の正月からは私どもの商売をつづけてやって行かれなくなるような、そんな大事な金で、女房が奥の六畳間で勘定して戸棚の引出しにしまったのを、あのひとが土間の椅子席でひとりで酒を飲みながらそれを見ていたらしく、急に立ってつかつかと六畳間にあがって、無言で女房を押しのけ引出しをあけ、その五千円の札束をわしづかみにして二重まわしのポケットにねじ込み、私どもがあっけにとられているうちに、さっさと土間に降りて店から出て行きますので、私は大声を挙げて呼びとめ、女房と一緒に後を追い、私はこうなればもう、どろぼう！
Maybe it's the punishment come due, us dealing in the black market ever since the war years, that's landed us with having to put up with a monster of a man like this, but after something as bad as what happened tonight, there's no more talk of poet or gentleman or any of that — he's a thief, plain and simple, since he stole five thousand yen of our money and ran off with it. These days, with what stock costs us, we barely keep five hundred or a thousand yen in cash in the house at any one time — really and truly, the moment money comes in from sales it has to go straight back out again into buying stock. The reason we had as much as five thousand yen in the house tonight of all nights was that the New Year was drawing near, and I'd gone around to the houses of our regular customers collecting on their tabs, and had only just managed to scrape that much together, and it was money that had to be handed straight over for stock that very night, or else we wouldn't be able to keep our business going come the New Year — that important, that money was — and my wife had counted it out in the back six-mat room and put it away in the cupboard drawer, and that man, it seems, had been watching all this from where he sat drinking alone on a chair on the dirt floor, and all at once he stood up and strode straight into the six-mat room, and without a word shoved my wife aside, opened the drawer, snatched up that bundle of notes, the five thousand yen, in one grab, crammed it into the pocket of his cape, and while we stood there too stunned to move, went straight down onto the dirt floor and out of the shop, so I shouted out and called after him, and my wife and I ran after him together, and I thought, well, if it's come to this, then — thief!
と叫んで、往来のひとたちを集めてしばってもらおうかとも思ったのですが、とにかく大谷さんは私どもとは知合いの間柄ですし、それもむごすぎるように思われ、今夜はどんな事があっても大谷さんを見失わないようにどこまでも後をつけて行き、その落ちつく先を見とどけて、おだやかに話してあの金をかえてしてもらおう、とまあ私どもも弱い商売でございますから、私ども夫婦は力を合せ、やっと今夜はこの家をつきとめて、かんにん出来ぬ気持をおさえて、金をかえして下さいと、おんびんに申し出たのに、まあ、何という事だ、ナイフなんか出して、刺すぞだなんて、まあ、なんという」
I would shout, and gather the people in the street and have them tie him up — I did think that far, but after all, Mr. Ōtani was someone we knew, and that seemed too cruel a thing to do, so I decided that whatever happened tonight, I'd follow him without ever losing sight of him, see where he finally settled, and talk to him quietly and get him to give the money back — well, ours being the weak sort of trade it is, my wife and I joined forces and finally tonight tracked this house down, and holding back feelings I could hardly bear, we came and asked, mildly, please give the money back, and then — of all things — out comes a knife, and he says he'll stab us, of all things—"
またもや、わけのわからぬ可笑しさがこみ上げて来まして、私は声を挙げて笑ってしまいました。おかみさんも、顔を赤くして少し笑いました。私は笑いがなかなかとまらず、ご亭主に悪いと思いましたが、なんだか奇妙に可笑しくて、いつまでも笑いつづけて涙が出て、夫の詩の中にある「文明の果の大笑い」というのは、こんな気持の事を言っているのかしらと、ふと考えました。
Once again that inexplicable urge to laugh welled up in me, and I laughed out loud. The proprietress, too, blushed and gave a small laugh. My laughter wouldn't stop for the longest time, and I felt bad toward her husband for it, but somehow it was strangely funny, and I went on laughing until tears came, and it struck me, all at once, that the line in my husband's poem — "the great laughter at the end of civilization" — might be speaking of just this kind of feeling.
二
Two
とにかく、しかし、そんな大笑いをして、すまされる事件ではございませんでしたので、私も考え、その夜お二人に向って、それでは私が何とかしてこの後始末をする事に致しますから、警察沙汰にするのは、もう一日お待ちになって下さいまし、明日そちらさまへ、私のほうからお伺い致します、と申し上げまして、その中野のお店の場所をくわしく聞き、無理にお二人にご承諾をねがいまして、その夜はそのままでひとまず引きとっていただき、それから、寒い六畳間のまんなかに、ひとり坐って物案じいたしましたが、べつだん何のいい工夫も思い浮びませんでしたので、立って羽織を脱いで、坊やの寝ている蒲団にもぐり、坊やの頭を撫でながら、いつまでも、いつまで経っても、夜が明けなければいい、と思いました。
In any case, though, this was not a matter to be settled with a great laugh like that, and so I thought it over, and turning to the two of them that night, I said, then I will see to setting this right somehow myself, so please, hold off on calling in the police for just one more day — tomorrow I will come to you myself — and I asked them in detail for the location of their shop in Nakano, and pressed them, almost forcing their consent, and had them withdraw for the night as things stood, and then, sitting alone in the middle of that cold six-mat room, I turned things over in my mind, but no good plan of any kind came to me, so I stood up, took off my haori, and crawled into the bedding where my boy lay sleeping, and stroking his head, I thought, on and on, however long it went on, if only morning would never come.
私の父は以前、浅草公園の瓢箪池のほとりに、おでんの屋台を出していました。母は早くなくなり、父と私と二人きりで長屋住居をしていて、屋台のほうも父と二人でやっていましたのですが、いまのあの人がときどき屋台に立ち寄って、私はそのうちに父をあざむいて、あの人と、よそで逢うようになりまして、坊やがおなかに出来ましたので、いろいろごたごたの末、どうやらあの人の女房というような形になったものの、もちろん籍も何もはいっておりませんし、坊やは、てて無し児という事になっていますし、あの人は家を出ると三晩も四晩も、いいえ、ひとつきも帰らぬ事もございまして、どこで何をしている事やら、帰る時は、いつも泥酔していて、真蒼な顔で、はあっはあっと、くるしそうな呼吸をして、私の顔を黙って見て、ぽろぽろ涙を流す事もあり、またいきなり、私の寝ている蒲団にもぐり込んで来て、私のからだを固く抱きしめて、
My father used to run an oden stall by the Hyōtan Pond in Asakusa Park. My mother died young, and my father and I lived just the two of us in a tenement, and I helped him run the stall as well, and it was there that the man who is now my husband would sometimes stop by, and before long I began deceiving my father and meeting him elsewhere, and when the boy came to be in my belly, after all sorts of complications, I somehow ended up in the shape of being his wife, though of course nothing was ever entered in any family register, and the boy is registered as fatherless, and he — my husband — would leave the house and not come back for three nights, four nights, no, sometimes not even for a whole month, and I never knew where he was or what he was doing, and when he did come back he was always dead drunk, his face deathly pale, breathing hard and painfully, gasping, and he'd look at my face without a word, and sometimes tears would spill down his cheeks, or else he'd suddenly crawl into the bedding where I lay and hold my body tight in his arms, and say,
「ああ、いかん。こわいんだ。こわいんだよ、僕は。こわい！ たすけてくれ！」
"Ah, it's no good. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, I am. I'm afraid! Help me!"
などと言いまして、がたがた震えている事もあり、眠ってからも、うわごとを言うやら、呻くやら、そうして翌る朝は、魂の抜けた人みたいにぼんやりして、そのうちにふっといなくなり、それっきりまた三晩も四晩も帰らず、古くからの夫の知合いの出版のほうのお方が二、三人、そのひとたちが私と坊やの身を案じて下さって、時たまお金を持って来てくれますので、どうやら私たちも飢え死にせずにきょうまで暮してまいりましたのです。
and things like that, and sometimes he'd be trembling all over, and even after he'd fallen asleep he'd talk in his sleep, or groan, and then the next morning he'd be dazed, like a man with the soul gone out of him, and before long he'd slip away again without a word, and after that he wouldn't come back again for three nights, four nights, and two or three people from the publishing world who'd known my husband a long time worried over the boy and me, and would bring us money now and then, and that is how, somehow, we've managed to live to this day without starving to death.
とろとろと、眠りかけて、ふと眼をあけると、雨戸のすきまから、朝の光線がさし込んでいるのに気附いて、起きて身支度をして坊やを脊負い、外に出ました。もうとても黙って家の中におられない気持でした。
Drowsing, half asleep, I suddenly opened my eyes and noticed the morning light slanting in through a gap in the rain shutters, so I got up, got myself ready, strapped the boy on my back, and went outside. I simply could not go on staying quietly inside the house any longer.
どこへ行こうというあてもなく、駅のほうに歩いて行って、駅の前の露店で飴を買い、坊やにしゃぶらせて、それから、ふと思いついて吉祥寺までの切符を買って電車に乗り、吊皮にぶらさがって何気なく電車の天井にぶらさがっているポスターを見ますと、夫の名が出ていました。それは雑誌の広告で、夫はその雑誌に「フランソワ・ヴィヨン」という題の長い論文を発表している様子でした。私はそのフランソワ・ヴィヨンという題と夫の名前を見つめているうちに、なぜだかわかりませぬけれども、とてもつらい涙がわいて出て、ポスターが霞んで見えなくなりました。
With no particular place in mind, I walked toward the station, bought some candy at a stall out front, gave it to the boy to suck on, and then, on a sudden thought, bought a ticket for Kichijoji and got on the train. Hanging from a strap, I happened to glance up at a poster hanging idly from the ceiling of the car, and there was my husband's name. It was an advertisement for a magazine, and my husband appeared to have published in it a long essay titled "François Villon." As I stood gazing at that title, François Villon, and at my husband's name, tears welled up — I don't know why, terribly painful tears — until the poster blurred and I could no longer see it.
吉祥寺で降りて、本当にもう何年振りかで井の頭公園に歩いて行って見ました。池のはたの杉の木が、すっかり伐り払われて、何かこれから工事でもはじめられる土地みたいに、へんにむき出しの寒々した感じで、昔とすっかり変っていました。
I got off at Kichijoji and walked, for the first time in I don't know how many years, to Inokashira Park. The cedars along the edge of the pond had all been cut down and cleared away, leaving the ground looking strangely bare and cold, as though some construction work were about to begin there — it had changed completely from the old days.
坊やを背中からおろして、池のはたのこわれかかったベンチに二人ならんで腰をかけ、家から持って来たおいもを坊やに食べさせました。
I set the boy down from my back, and the two of us sat side by side on a half-broken bench by the pond, and I fed him the sweet potato I had brought from home.
「坊や。綺麗なお池でしょ？ 昔はね、このお池に鯉トトや金トトが、たくさんたくさんいたのだけれども、いまはなんにも、いないわねえ。つまんないねえ」
"Look, sweetheart. Isn't it a pretty pond? Long ago, you know, this pond used to have ever so many carp-fishies and gold-fishies in it, but now there's nothing, nothing at all in it. Isn't that dull."
坊やは、何と思ったのか、おいもを口の中に一ぱい頬張ったまま、けけ、と妙に笑いました。わが子ながら、ほとんど阿呆の感じでした。
The boy, for whatever reason, gave an odd little laugh — heh, heh — with his mouth stuffed full of sweet potato. Much as he was my own child, it struck me almost as the look of a fool.
その池のはたのベンチにいつまでいたって、何のらちのあく事では無し、私はまた坊やを背負って、ぶらぶら吉祥寺の駅のほうへ引返し、にぎやかな露店街を見て廻って、それから、駅で中野行きの切符を買い、何の思慮も計画も無く、謂わばおそろしい魔の淵にするすると吸い寄せられるように、電車に乗って中野で降りて、きのう教えられたとおりの道筋を歩いて行って、あの人たちの小料理屋の前にたどりつきました。
No matter how long we stayed there on the bench by the pond, nothing was going to come of it, so I put the boy on my back again and wandered idly back toward Kichijoji station, looked over the lively rows of stalls, and then, at the station, bought a ticket for Nakano, and with no thought and no plan at all, as if being drawn smoothly into some dreadful, demonic abyss, I boarded the train, got off at Nakano, walked the route I had been told the day before, and arrived in front of that little restaurant of theirs.
表の戸は、あきませんでしたので、裏へまわって勝手口からはいりました。ご亭主さんはいなくて、おかみさんひとり、お店の掃除をしていました。おかみさんと顔が合ったとたんに私は、自分でも思いがけなかった嘘をすらすらと言いました。
The front door would not open, so I went around to the back and let myself in through the kitchen entrance. The master was not there; only the mistress, alone, sweeping out the shop. The instant our eyes met, I found myself rattling off a lie that even surprised me.
「あの、おばさん、お金は私が綺麗におかえし出来そうですの。今晩か、でなければ、あした、とにかく、はっきり見込みがついたのですから、もうご心配なさらないで」
"Oh, ma'am — it looks like I'll be able to pay the money back, in full. Tonight, or if not tonight, then tomorrow — in any case, it's definitely settled now, so please, don't worry yourself any more."
「おや、まあ、それはどうも」
"Why, my — well, that's a relief."
と言って、おかみさんは、ちょっとうれしそうな顔をしましたが、それでも何か腑に落ちないような不安な影がその顔のどこやらに残っていました。
she said, and the mistress's face brightened a little with what looked like pleasure, though somewhere in it a shadow of doubt, of unease, still lingered.
「おばさん、本当よ。かくじつに、ここへ持って来てくれるひとがあるのよ。それまで私は、人質になって、ここにずっといる事になっていますの。それなら、安心でしょう？ お金が来るまで、私はお店のお手伝いでもさせていただくわ」
"Ma'am, it's true. There really is someone who's going to bring it here, without fail. Until then I'm to stay here, the whole time, as a kind of hostage — that's how it's been arranged. That ought to set your mind at ease, shouldn't it? Until the money comes, do let me help out around the shop."
私は坊やを背中からおろし、奥の六畳間にひとりで遊ばせて置いて、くるくると立ち働いて見せました。坊やは、もともとひとり遊びには馴れておりますので、少しも邪魔になりません。また頭が悪いせいか、人見知りをしないたちなので、おかみさんにも笑いかけたりして、私がおかみさんのかわりに、おかみさんの家の配給物をとりに行ってあげている留守にも、おかみさんからアメリカの罐詰の殻を、おもちゃ代りにもらって、それを叩いたりころがしたりしておとなしく六畳間の隅で遊んでいたようでした。
I set the boy down from my back, left him to play by himself in the six-mat room at the back, and bustled busily about the shop. The boy was used to playing alone to begin with, so he was no trouble at all. And perhaps because he isn't very bright, he isn't shy with strangers either — he smiled up at the mistress and everything — and even while I went out in the mistress's place to fetch her household's rations, he seems to have played quietly in the corner of the six-mat room, given an empty American tin can by the mistress as a toy, banging it and rolling it about.
お昼頃、ご亭主がおさかなや野菜の仕入れをして帰って来ました。私は、ご亭主の顔を見るなり、また早口に、おかみさんに言ったのと同様の嘘を申しました。
Around noon the master came back, having bought in fish and vegetables. The moment I saw his face I told him, quickly, the same lie I had told his wife.
ご亭主は、きょとんとした顔になって、
The master's face went blank,
「へえ？ しかし、奥さん、お金ってものは、自分の手に、握ってみないうちは、あてにならないものですよ」
"Eh? But, ma'am, money is a thing you can't count on until you've got it right there in your own two hands."
と案外、しずかな、教えさとすような口調で言いました。
he said, in a tone surprisingly quiet, almost as if he were teaching me something.
「いいえ、それがね、本当にたしかなのよ。だから、私を信用して、おもて沙汰にするのは、きょう一日待って下さいな。それまで私は、このお店でお手伝いしていますから」
"No, but you see, it's really, truly certain. So please, trust me, and just wait one more day before making a public matter of it. Until then I'll go on helping out here in the shop."
「お金が、かえって来れば、そりゃもう何も」とご亭主は、ひとりごとのように言い、「何せことしも、あと五、六日なのですからね」
"If the money does come back, well, then there's nothing more to it," the master said, as if talking to himself, "after all, there's only five or six days left in the year."
「ええ、だから、それだから、あの私は、おや？ お客さんですわよ。いらっしゃいまし」と私は、店へはいって来た三人連れの職人ふうのお客に向って笑いかけ、それから小声で、「おばさん、すみません。エプロンを貸して下さいな」
"Yes, and so, that's why, well, I— why! You've customers. Welcome," I said, and smiled toward the three workman-looking customers who had just come into the shop, and then, in a low voice, "Ma'am, excuse me. Would you lend me an apron?"
「や、美人を雇いやがった。こいつあ、凄い」
"Well now, look what he's gone and hired — a beauty. This is something."
と客のひとりが言いました。
one of the customers said.
「誘惑しないで下さいよ」とご亭主は、まんざら冗談でもないような口調で言い、「お金のかかっているからだですから」
"Don't go tempting her," the master said, in a tone that was not entirely a joke, "she's a body with money riding on her."
「百万ドルの名馬か？」
"A million-dollar thoroughbred, is she?"
ともうひとりの客は、げびた洒落を言いました。
another customer said, with a coarse little jest.
「名馬も、雌は半値だそうです」
"Even a thoroughbred, they say the mares go for half price."
と私は、お酒のお燗をつけながら、負けずに、げびた受けこたえを致しますと、
I said, warming the sake, giving as coarse an answer back as his, not to be outdone, and then,
「けんそんするなよ。これから日本は、馬でも犬でも、男女同権だってさ」と一ばん若いお客が、呶鳴るように言いまして、「ねえさん、おれは惚れた。一目惚れだ。が、しかし、お前は、子持ちだな？」
"Don't be modest. From here on out, in Japan, it's equal rights between the sexes even for horses and dogs, so they say," the youngest of the customers said, almost bellowing, "Say, miss — I've fallen for you. Love at first sight, that's what this is. But — you've got a child, haven't you?"
「いいえ」と奥から、おかみさんは、坊やを抱いて出て来て、「これは、こんど私どもが親戚からもらって来た子ですの。これでもう、やっと私どもにも、あとつぎが出来たというわけですわ」
"No," the mistress said, coming out from the back holding the boy, "this is a child we've just now had given to us by relatives. So there — we've finally got ourselves an heir, after all this time."
「金も出来たし」
"And money besides, it looks like"
と客のひとりが、からかいますと、ご亭主はまじめに、
one of the customers teased, and the master, quite seriously,
「いろも出来、借金も出来」と呟き、それから、ふいと語調をかえて、「何にしますか？ よせ鍋でも作りましょうか？」
"A lover besides, and debts besides," he muttered, and then, abruptly changing his tone, "What'll you have? Shall I put together a hodgepodge stew?"
と客にたずねます。私には、その時、或る事が一つ、わかりました。やはりそうか、と自分でひとり首肯き、うわべは何気なく、お客にお銚子を運びました。
he asked the customers. And I, just then, understood one thing. So I was right after all, I said to myself, nodding, and, keeping my face outwardly unconcerned, carried the sake flask over to the customers.
その日は、クリスマスの、前夜祭とかいうのに当っていたようで、そのせいか、お客が絶えること無く、次々と参りまして、私は朝からほとんど何一つ戴いておらなかったのでございますが、胸に思いがいっぱい籠っているためか、おかみさんから何かおあがりと勧められても、いいえ沢山と申しまして、そうしてただもう、くるくると羽衣一まいを纏って舞っているように身軽く立ち働き、自惚れかも知れませぬけれども、その日のお店は異様に活気づいていたようで、私の名前をたずねたり、また握手などを求めたりするお客さんが二人、三人どころではございませんでした。
That day, it seems, fell on what they call Christmas Eve, and perhaps because of it the customers never let up, coming one after another, so that from morning on I had eaten scarcely a single thing, but perhaps because my heart was so full of its own thoughts, whenever the mistress urged something on me to eat I only said, no, that's plenty, and went on, light as a feather, whirling about my work as if I were dancing wrapped in some single robe of feathers, and — this may only be my own conceit — the shop that day seemed to grow strangely lively, and it was not just two or three customers who asked my name or wanted to shake my hand.
けれども、こうしてどうなるのでしょう。私には何も一つも見当が附いていないのでした。ただ笑って、お客のみだらな冗談にこちらも調子を合せて、更にもっと下品な冗談を言いかえし、客から客へ滑り歩いてお酌して廻って、そうしてそのうちに、自分のこのからだがアイスクリームのように溶けて流れてしまえばいい、などと考えるだけでございました。
But what was to become of things, going on like this? I had not the least idea, not even one. I only laughed, matched my tone to the customers' indecent jokes, threw back even coarser ones in return, slipped from customer to customer pouring their sake, and all the while I only thought, over and over, how nice it would be if this body of mine simply melted away like ice cream and ran off somewhere.
奇蹟はやはり、この世の中にも、ときたま、あらわれるものらしゅうございます。
Miracles do seem, after all, to appear now and then even in this world.
九時すこし過ぎくらいの頃でございましたでしょうか。クリスマスのお祭りの、紙の三角帽をかぶり、ルパンのように顔の上半分を覆いかくしている黒の仮面をつけた男と、それから三十四、五の痩せ型の綺麗な奥さんと二人連れの客が見えまして、男のひとは、私どもには後向きに、土間の隅の椅子に腰を下しましたが、私はその人がお店にはいってくると直ぐに、誰だか解りました。どろぼうの夫です。
It must have been a little past nine o'clock. Two customers came in together — a man wearing a Christmas paper party hat and a black mask that covered the upper half of his face like Lupin's, and with him a slender, pretty lady of about thirty-four or thirty-five. The man sat down with his back to us, on a chair in the corner of the earthen-floored entry, but I knew who he was the moment he stepped into the shop. My husband, the thief.
向うでは、私のことに何も気附かぬようでしたので、私も知らぬ振りして他のお客とふざけ合い、そうして、その奥さんが夫と向い合って腰かけて、
He seemed not to have noticed anything about me at all, so I too pretended not to know him and went on joking with the other customers, and then the lady, sitting across from my husband,
「ねえさん、ちょっと」
"Miss, just a moment"
と呼びましたので、
called out,
「へえ」
"Yes"
と返辞して、お二人のテーブルのほうに参りまして、
I answered, and went over to their table,
「いらっしゃいまし。お酒でございますか？」
"Welcome. Will it be sake?"
と申しました時に、ちらと夫は仮面の底から私を見て、さすがに驚いた様子でしたが、私はその肩を軽く撫でて、
I said, and just then my husband glanced up at me from beneath the mask, looking, for all that, startled, but I stroked his shoulder lightly,
「クリスマスおめでとうって言うの？ なんていうの？ もう一升くらいは飲めそうね」
"Do I say Merry Christmas? What is it I'm supposed to say? Looks like you could still put away another quart or two."
と申しました。
I said.
奥さんはそれには取り合わず、改まった顔つきをして、
The wife paid it no attention, and, putting on a solemn expression,
「あの、ねえさん、すみませんがね、ここのご主人にないないお話し申したい事がございますのですけど、ちょっとここへご主人を」
"Um, Miss, I'm sorry, but there's something I'd like to say to the master here in private — could you bring him over here for a moment—"
と言いました。
she said.
私は奥で揚物をしているご亭主のところへ行き、
I went to where the master was, frying something in the back, and
「大谷が帰ってまいりました。会ってやって下さいまし。でも、連れの女のかたに、私のことは黙っていて下さいね。大谷が恥かしい思いをするといけませんから」
"Otani has come back. Please go and see him. But don't say anything about me to the lady who's with him — it would be terrible for Otani if he felt ashamed."
「いよいよ、来ましたね」
"So he's come at last, has he."
ご亭主は、私の、あの嘘を半ばは危みながらも、それでもかなり信用していてくれたもののようで、夫が帰って来たことも、それも私の何か差しがねに依っての事と単純に合点している様子でした。
The master, though he had half-doubted that lie of mine, still seemed to have put a good deal of faith in it, and he appeared to take it simply that my husband's coming back, too, was somehow something I had arranged behind the scenes.
「私のことは、黙っててね」
"Don't say anything about me, all right?"
と重ねて申しますと、
I said again, and
「そのほうがよろしいのでしたら、そうします」
"If that's how you'd rather have it, I'll do it that way."
と気さくに承知して、土間に出て行きました。
he agreed readily, and went out into the earthen-floored entry.
ご亭主は土間のお客を一わたりざっと見廻し、それから真っ直ぐに夫のいるテーブルに歩み寄って、その綺麗な奥さんと何か二言、三言話を交して、それから三人そろって店から出て行きました。
The master gave the customers in the earthen-floored entry a quick once-over, then walked straight to the table where my husband was, exchanged a word or two with that pretty wife, and then the three of them went out of the shop together.
もういいのだ。万事が解決してしまったのだと、なぜだかそう信ぜられて、流石にうれしく、紺絣の着物を着たまだはたち前くらいの若いお客さんの手首を、だしぬけに強く掴んで、
It's all right now. Everything's settled — somehow I believed that, and, happy after all, I suddenly seized hard the wrist of a young customer, not yet twenty, dressed in a dark splashed-pattern kimono, and
「飲みましょうよ、ね、飲みましょう。クリスマスですもの」
"Let's drink, shall we? Let's drink. It's Christmas, after all."
三
Three
ほんの三十分、いいえ、もっと早いくらい、おや、と思ったくらいに早く、ご亭主がひとりで帰って来まして、私の傍に寄り、
Only thirty minutes — no, sooner than that, so soon it startled me — the master came back alone and came up beside me, and
「奥さん、ありがとうございました。お金はかえして戴きました」
"Missus, thank you very much. We've had the money paid back."
「そう。よかったわね。全部？」
"Is that so. That's good, isn't it. All of it?"
ご亭主は、へんな笑い方をして、
The master gave an odd sort of laugh, and
「ええ、きのうの、あの分だけはね」
"Yes — well, just yesterday's share, anyway."
「これまでのが全部で、いくらなの？ ざっと、まあ、大負けに負けて」
"What's the whole total, up to now? Roughly — knocking it down as low as it'll go."
「二万円」
"Twenty thousand yen."
「それだけでいいの？」
"Is that really all?"
「大負けに負けました」
"I've cut it down as far as it'll go."
「おかえし致します。おじさん、あすから私を、ここで働かせてくれない？ ね、そうして！ 働いて返すわ」
"I'll pay it back. Sir, won't you let me work here starting tomorrow? Please, do that! I'll work it off."
「へえ？ 奥さん、とんだ、おかるだね」
"What? Missus, you're quite the Okaru, aren't you."
私たちは、声を合せて笑いました。
We laughed together, our voices joining.
その夜、十時すぎ、私は中野の店をおいとまして、坊やを背負い、小金井の私たちの家にかえりました。やはり夫は帰って来ていませんでしたが、しかし私は、平気でした。あすまた、あのお店へ行けば、夫に逢えるかも知れない。どうして私はいままで、こんないい事に気づかなかったのかしら。きのうまでの私の苦労も、所詮は私が馬鹿で、こんな名案に思いつかなかったからなのだ。私だって昔は浅草の父の屋台で、客あしらいは決して下手ではなかったのだから、これからあの中野のお店できっと巧く立ちまわれるに違いない。現に今夜だって私は、チップを五百円ちかくもらったのだもの。
That night, past ten o'clock, I took my leave of the Nakano shop, carried the boy on my back, and went home to our house in Koganei. My husband, as before, had not come home, but I did not mind. If I went to that shop again tomorrow, I might meet him there. Why hadn't I noticed such a good thing until now? All my troubles up to yesterday were, in the end, simply because I was a fool and hadn't thought of such a splendid idea. I myself, after all, had once handled customers at my father's stall in Asakusa, and I was by no means bad at it, so from now on I would surely manage well at that Nakano shop. In fact, even tonight, I had been given nearly five hundred yen in tips.
ご亭主の話に依ると、夫は昨夜あれから何処か知合いの家へ行って泊ったらしく、それから、けさ早く、あの綺麗な奥さんの営んでいる京橋のバーを襲って、朝からウイスキーを飲み、そうして、そのお店に働いている五人の女の子に、クリスマス・プレゼントだと言って無闇にお金をくれてやって、それからお昼頃にタキシーを呼び寄せさせて何処かへ行き、しばらくたって、クリスマスの三角帽やら仮面やら、デコレーションケーキやら七面鳥まで持ち込んで来て、四方に電話を掛けさせ、お知合いの方たちを呼び集め、大宴会をひらいて、いつもちっともお金を持っていない人なのにと、バーのマダムが不審がって、そっと問いただしてみたら、夫は平然と、昨夜のことを洗いざらいそのまま言うので、そのマダムも前から大谷とは他人の仲では無いらしく、とにかくそれは警察沙汰になって騒ぎが大きくなっても、つまらないし、かえさなければなりませんと親身に言って、お金はそのマダムがたてかえて、そうして夫に案内させ、中野のお店に来てくれたのだそうで、中野のお店のご亭主は私に向って、
According to the master, my husband, after that, had apparently gone off somewhere last night to stay at some acquaintance's house, and then, early this morning, had descended on that pretty wife's bar in Kyobashi and started drinking whiskey from morning, and, telling the five girls working there it was a Christmas present, had handed out money right and left, and then around noon had a taxi called and gone off somewhere, and after a while had come back bringing Christmas party-hats and masks, a decoration cake, even a turkey, had people telephone in every direction to call round his acquaintances, and thrown a great banquet — and the madam of the bar, finding it strange, since he was a man who never had a bit of money on him, quietly pressed him about it, whereupon my husband calmly told her the whole of last night's business just as it had happened, and it seems that the madam, too, had not been on merely casual terms with Otani before this, and said, warmly, that in any case it would be a poor business if this turned into a police matter and made a great fuss, and that the money had to be paid back, and so the madam advanced the money herself, and had my husband guide her, and that was how she had come to the Nakano shop — so the master of the Nakano shop said to me,
「たいがい、そんなところだろうとは思っていましたが、しかし、奥さん、あなたはよくその方角にお気が附きましたね。大谷さんのお友だちにでも頼んだのですか」
"I rather thought it would be something like that, but even so, Missus, how well you guessed which direction to look. Did you ask some friend of Mr. Otani's for help?"
とやはり私が、はじめからこうしてかえって来るのを見越して、このお店に先廻りして待っていたもののように考えているらしい口振りでしたから、私は笑って、
— his tone still seemed to take it that I had foreseen from the start that he would come back like this and had come ahead to wait at this shop for him, so I laughed, and
「ええ、そりゃもう」
"Oh, well, of course."
とだけ、答えて置きましたのです。
was all I answered, and left it at that.
その翌る日からの私の生活は、今までとはまるで違って、浮々した楽しいものになりました。さっそく電髪屋に行って、髪の手入れも致しましたし、お化粧品も取りそろえまして、着物を縫い直したり、また、おかみさんから新しい白足袋を二足もいただき、これまでの胸の中の重苦しい思いが、きれいに拭い去られた感じでした。
From the day after that, my life became something quite different from before — buoyant and full of pleasure. I went at once to the hairdresser's and had my hair done, and got together some cosmetics, too, and resewed my kimono, and, besides, the mistress gave me two whole pairs of new white tabi, and I felt as though the heavy weight that had been pressing on my heart until then had been wiped clean away.
朝起きて坊やと二人で御飯をたべ、それから、お弁当をつくって坊やを脊負い、中野にご出勤ということになり、大みそか、お正月、お店のかきいれどきなので、椿屋の、さっちゃん、というのがお店での私の名前なのでございますが、そのさっちゃんは毎日、眼のまわるくらいの大忙しで、二日に一度くらいは夫も飲みにやって参りまして、お勘定は私に払わせて、またふっといなくなり、夜おそく私のお店を覗いて、
I would wake in the morning and eat with the boy, just the two of us, and then make a lunch and carry him on my back and go off to work at Nakano — and since New Year's Eve and the New Year are the shop's busiest season, and Sacchan of the Tsubakiya, which is my name at the shop, was busy every day to the point of dizziness, and about once every two days my husband, too, would come in to drink, and have me pay the bill, and then vanish again just as suddenly, and late at night would look in at my shop, and
「帰りませんか」
"Shall we go home?"
とそっと言い、私も首肯いて帰り支度をはじめ、一緒にたのしく家路をたどる事も、しばしばございました。
he would say quietly, and I, too, would nod and begin getting ready to leave, and there were often times when we made our way home together, happily.
「なぜ、はじめからこうしなかったのでしょうね。とっても私は幸福よ」
"Why didn't we do this from the very start, I wonder. I'm so very happy."
「女には、幸福も不幸も無いものです」
"For a woman, there's neither happiness nor unhappiness."
「そうなの？ そう言われると、そんな気もして来るけど、それじゃ、男の人は、どうなの？」
"Is that so? Now that you say it, I feel that might be true — but then, what about men?"
「男には、不幸だけがあるんです。いつも恐怖と、戦ってばかりいるのです」
"For men, there's only unhappiness. They're forever fighting against fear, nothing else."
「わからないわ、私には。でも、いつまでも私、こんな生活をつづけて行きとうございますわ。椿屋のおじさんも、おばさんも、とてもいいお方ですもの」
"I don't understand it, not me. But I want to go on living like this forever. The master at the Tsubakiya, and the mistress too, are both such good people, after all."
「馬鹿なんですよ、あのひとたちは。田舎者ですよ。あれでなかなか慾張りでね。僕に飲ませて、おしまいには、もうけようと思っているのです」
"They're fools, those two. Country people. For all that, they're quite greedy, you know. They let me drink, and mean to profit by it in the end."
「そりゃ商売ですもの、当り前だわ。だけど、それだけでも無いんじゃない？ あなたは、あのおかみさんを、かすめたでしょう」
"Well, that's only natural — it's their business, after all. But it's not only that, is it? You had a fling with that mistress, didn't you?"
「昔ね。おやじは、どう？ 気附いているの？」
"That was long ago. What about the old man — has he noticed?"
「ちゃんと知っているらしいわ。いろも出来、借金も出来、といつか溜息まじりに言ってたわ」
"He seems to know all about it. He said once, with a sigh, 'A mistress besides, and debts besides.'"
「僕はね、キザのようですけど、死にたくて、仕様が無いんです。生れた時から、死ぬ事ばかり考えていたんだ。皆のためにも、死んだほうがいいんです。それはもう、たしかなんだ。それでいて、なかなか死ねない。へんな、こわい神様みたいなものが、僕の死ぬのを引きとめるのです」
"It's probably an affected thing to say, but I want to die — I can't help it. Ever since I was born, I've done nothing but think about dying. For everyone's sake too, it would be better if I died. That much, at least, is certain. And yet I can't manage to die. Something strange, something like a frightening god, holds me back from dying."
「お仕事が、おありですから」
"It's because you have your work."
「仕事なんてものは、なんでもないんです。傑作も駄作もありやしません。人がいいと言えば、よくなるし、悪いと言えば、悪くなるんです。ちょうど吐くいきと、引くいきみたいなものなんです。おそろしいのはね、この世の中の、どこかに神がいる、という事なんです。いるんでしょうね？」
"Work is nothing at all. There's no such thing as a masterpiece or a failure. If people say it's good, it becomes good, and if they say it's bad, it becomes bad. It's exactly like breathing out and breathing in. What's frightening is that somewhere in this world, there's a god. There is one, isn't there?"
「え？」
"What?"
「いるんでしょうね？」
"There is one, isn't there?"
「私には、わかりませんわ」
"I couldn't say."
「そう」
"I see."
十日、二十日とお店にかよっているうちに、私には、椿屋にお酒を飲みに来ているお客さんがひとり残らず犯罪人ばかりだという事に、気がついてまいりました。夫などはまだまだ、優しいほうだと思うようになりました。また、お店のお客さんばかりでなく、路を歩いている人みなが、何か必ずうしろ暗い罪をかくしているように思われて来ました。立派な身なりの、五十年配の奥さんが、椿屋の勝手口にお酒を売りに来て、一升三百円、とはっきり言いまして、それはいまの相場にしては安いほうですので、おかみさんがすぐに引きとってやりましたが、水酒でした。あんな上品そうな奥さんさえ、こんな事をたくらまなければならなくなっている世の中で、我が身にうしろ暗いところが一つも無くて生きて行く事は、不可能だと思いました。トランプの遊びのように、マイナスを全部あつめるとプラスに変るという事は、この世の道徳には起り得ない事でしょうか。
As I went on working at the shop for ten days, twenty days, I came to notice that every single customer who came to drink at the Tsubaki-ya, without exception, was some kind of criminal. I began to think my husband was, if anything, on the gentle side. And it wasn't only the customers at the shop — everyone walking along the road came to seem to me as if they must be hiding some shady crime or other. A finely dressed lady of about fifty came round to the back door of the Tsubaki-ya to sell sake, and she named her price plainly, three hundred yen a shō, which, at the going rate, was on the cheap side, so the mistress bought it up from her at once — but it turned out to be watered-down sake. In a world where even a lady as refined-looking as that had to resort to a trick like this, I thought it must be impossible for anyone to go on living without a single shady spot on themselves. Like a game of cards, where if you gather up all your minuses they turn into a plus — is that a thing that can never happen in the morality of this world?
神がいるなら、出て来て下さい！ 私は、お正月の末に、お店のお客にけがされました。
If there's a god, then come out and show yourself! At the end of the New Year, I was violated by a customer of the shop.
その夜は、雨が降っていました。夫は、あらわれませんでしたが、夫の昔からの知合いの出版のほうの方で、時たま私のところへ生活費をとどけて下さった矢島さんが、その同業のお方らしい、やはり矢島さんくらいの四十年配のお方と二人でお見えになり、お酒を飲みながら、お二人で声高く、大谷の女房がこんなところで働いているのは、よろしくないとか、よろしいとか、半分は冗談みたいに言い合い、私は笑いながら、
That night it was raining. My husband didn't turn up, but Mr. Yajima — an old acquaintance of my husband's from the publishing world, who now and then brought me living expenses — came in together with another man who seemed to be in the same trade, a man of about Mr. Yajima's own age, around forty, and the two of them, drinking, argued loudly back and forth, half as a joke, over whether it was right or wrong for Otani's wife to be working in a place like this, and I, laughing,
「その奥さんは、どこにいらっしゃるの？」
"And where might that wife of his be, I wonder?"
とたずねますと、矢島さんは、
I asked, and Mr. Yajima said,
「どこにいるのか知りませんがね、すくなくとも、椿屋のさっちゃんよりは、上品で綺麗だ」
"I don't know where she is, but at least she's more refined and better-looking than Sacchan here at the Tsubaki-ya."
と言いますので、
he said, so I said,
「やけるわね。大谷さんみたいな人となら、私は一夜でもいいから、添ってみたいわ。私はあんな、ずるいひとが好き」
"Now I'm jealous. If it were someone like Otani-san, I'd like to spend even a single night with him. I like a sly man like that."
「これだからねえ」
"That's the trouble with her."
と矢島さんは、連れのお方のほうに顔を向け、口をゆがめて見せました。
Mr. Yajima said, turning to his companion and twisting his mouth into a wry look.
その頃になると、私が大谷という詩人の女房だという事が、夫と一緒にやって来る記者のお方たちにも知られていましたし、またそのお方たちから聞いてわざわざ私をからかいにおいでになる物好きなお方などもありまして、お店はにぎやかになる一方で、ご亭主のご機嫌もいよいよ、まんざらでございませんでしたのです。
By that time, that I was the wife of the poet Otani had come to be known even among the newspapermen who came in together with my husband, and there were also curious sorts who, hearing of it from them, came specially to tease me about it, so that the shop grew ever livelier, and the master's own mood, for his part, was far from displeased.
その夜は、それから矢島さんたちは紙の闇取引の商談などして、お帰りになったのは十時すぎで、私も今夜は雨も降るし、夫もあらわれそうもございませんでしたので、お客さんがまだひとり残っておりましたけれども、そろそろ帰り支度をはじめて、奥の六畳の隅に寝ている坊やを抱き上げて脊負い、
That night, after that, Mr. Yajima and his companion talked business about some black-market paper deal, and it was past ten when they left, and since it was raining that night and my husband didn't seem likely to appear, I began, though one customer still remained, to get ready to go home, and lifted the boy, who was asleep in the corner of the six-mat room at the back, up onto my back, and
「また、傘をお借りしますわ」
"I'll borrow an umbrella again, if I may."
と小声でおかみさんにお頼みしますと、
I said in a small voice, asking the mistress, and
「傘なら、おれも持っている。お送りしましょう」
"If it's an umbrella, I've got one too. Let me see you home."
とお店に一人のこっていた二十五、六の、痩せて小柄な工員ふうのお客さんが、まじめな顔をして立ち上りました。それは、私には今夜がはじめてのお客さんでした。
said the one customer still left in the shop, a thin, small-built man of twenty-five or twenty-six who looked like a factory worker, standing up with a serious face. He was a customer I was meeting for the first time that night.
「はばかりさま。ひとり歩きには馴れていますから」
"Thank you, but there's no need. I'm used to walking alone."
「いや、お宅は遠い。知っているんだ。おれも、小金井の、あの近所の者なんだ。お送りしましょう。おばさん、勘定をたのむ」
"No, your house is far. I know it. I'm from around there myself, near Koganei. Let me see you home. Ma'am, the bill, please."
お店では三本飲んだだけで、そんなに酔ってもいないようでした。
At the shop he'd had only three bottles, and didn't seem to be all that drunk.
一緒に電車に乗って、小金井で降りて、それから雨の降るまっくらい路を相合傘で、ならんで歩きました。その若いひとは、それまでほとんど無言でいたのでしたが、ぽつりぽつり言いはじめ、
We got on the train together, got off at Koganei, and then walked side by side under one umbrella, down a pitch-dark road in the rain. The young man had been almost silent until then, but he began speaking, bit by bit,
「知っているのです。おれはね、あの大谷先生の詩のファンなのですよ。おれもね、詩を書いているのですがね。そのうち、大谷先生に見ていただこうと思っていたのですがね。どうもね、あの大谷先生が、こわくてね」
"I know all about it. I'm a fan of that Otani-sensei's poetry, you see. I write poems myself, too. I've been meaning to have Otani-sensei look at them sometime, but somehow — that Otani-sensei frightens me."
家につきました。
We reached the house.
「ありがとうございました。また、お店で」
"Thank you very much. I'll see you at the shop again."
「ええ、さようなら」
"Yes, goodbye."
若いひとは、雨の中を帰って行きました。
The young man went off home through the rain.
深夜、がらがらと玄関のあく音に、眼をさましましたが、れいの夫の泥酔のご帰宅かと思い、そのまま黙って寝ていましたら、
In the dead of night, I woke to the rattling sound of the front door opening, and thinking it was my husband coming home dead drunk as usual, I stayed lying there in silence, when
「ごめん下さい。大谷さん、ごめん下さい」
"Excuse me. Otani-san, excuse me."
という男の声が致します。
came a man's voice.
起きて電燈をつけて玄関に出て見ますと、さっきの若いひとが、ほとんど直立できにくいくらいにふらふらして、
I got up, switched on the light, and went out to the entryway, and there was the young man from earlier, swaying so badly he could hardly stand upright, saying,
「奥さん、ごめんなさい。かえりにまた屋台で一ぱいやりましてね、実はね、おれの家は立川でね、駅へ行ってみたらもう、電車がねえんだ。奥さん、たのみます。泊めて下さい。ふとんも何も要りません。この玄関の式台でもいいのだ。あしたの朝の始発が出るまで、ごろ寝させて下さい。雨さえ降ってなけや、その辺の軒下にでも寝るんだが、この雨では、そうもいかねえ。たのみます」
"I'm sorry, ma'am. On the way home I had a few more at a stall, and the thing is, my house is in Tachikawa, and when I got to the station there was no train left. Ma'am, I'm asking you. Let me stay the night. I don't need any bedding or anything. This step here at the entryway will do. Just let me lie down here until the first train goes out tomorrow morning. If it weren't raining I'd sleep under some eave around here, but with this rain, I can't do that. I'm asking you."
「主人もおりませんし、こんな式台でよろしかったら、どうぞ」
"My husband isn't home anyway, and if a step like this will do, please, go ahead."
と私は言い、破れた座蒲団を二枚、式台に持って行ってあげました。
I said, and brought out two worn cushions and set them down on the step for him.
「すみません。ああ酔った」
"I'm sorry. Ah, I'm drunk."
と苦しそうに小声で言い、すぐにそのまま式台に寝ころび、私が寝床に引返した時には、もう高い鼾が聞えていました。
he said in a low voice, sounding as if it pained him, and lay right down on the step just as he was, and by the time I'd gone back to bed, I could already hear him snoring loudly.
そうして、その翌る日のあけがた、私は、あっけなくその男の手にいれられました。
And so, at dawn the next day, I was taken by that man, all too easily.
その日も私は、うわべは、やはり同じ様に、坊やを背負って、お店の勤めに出かけました。
That day too, on the surface, I still went off to my work at the shop just the same as always, with the boy on my back.
中野のお店の土間で、夫が、酒のはいったコップをテーブルの上に置いて、ひとりで新聞を読んでいました。コップに午前の陽の光が当って、きれいだと思いました。
On the earthen floor of the shop in Nakano, my husband was reading the newspaper alone, a glass with sake in it set on the table before him. The morning sunlight fell on the glass, and I thought it looked beautiful.
「誰もいないの？」
"Isn't anyone here?"
夫は、私のほうを振り向いて見て、
My husband turned to look at me, and
「うん。おやじはまだ仕入れから帰らないし、ばあさんは、ちょっといままでお勝手のほうにいたようだったけど、いませんか？」
"Yeah. The old man's still not back from buying stock, and the old woman seemed to be back in the kitchen just a while ago — isn't she there?"
「ゆうべは、おいでにならなかったの？」
"You didn't come by last night?"
「来ました。椿屋のさっちゃんの顔を見ないとこのごろ眠れなくなってね、十時すぎにここを覗いてみたら、いましがた帰りましたというのでね」
"I came. These days I can't sleep unless I've seen Sacchan's face from the Tsubaki-ya, so I looked in here past ten, and they told me you'd just left."
「それで？」
"And then?"
「泊っちゃいましたよ、ここへ。雨はざんざ降っているし」
"I ended up staying the night here. What with the rain coming down in sheets."
「あたしも、こんどから、このお店にずっと泊めてもらう事にしようかしら」
"Maybe I should have them let me stay on here at the shop for good too, from now on."
「いいでしょう、それも」
"That'd be fine too, I suppose."
「そうするわ。あの家をいつまでも借りてるのは、意味ないもの」
"I'll do that, then. There's no point in going on renting that house forever."
夫は、黙ってまた新聞に眼をそそぎ、
My husband, without a word, turned his eyes back to the newspaper, and
「やあ、また僕の悪口を書いている。エピキュリアンのにせ貴族だってさ。こいつは、当っていない。神におびえるエピキュリアン、とでも言ったらよいのに。さっちゃん、ごらん、ここに僕のことを、人非人なんて書いていますよ。違うよねえ。僕は今だから言うけれども、去年の暮にね、ここから五千円持って出たのは、さっちゃんと坊やに、あのお金で久し振りのいいお正月をさせたかったからです。人非人でないから、あんな事も仕出かすのです」
"Ha, they're bad-mouthing me again. Says I'm an Epicurean, a sham aristocrat. That's not right. They ought to have called me an Epicurean who trembles before god instead. Sacchan, look, right here it calls me inhuman. That's wrong, isn't it. I can say this now — at the end of last year, when I took five thousand yen out of here and went off with it, it was because I wanted to give you and the boy a good New Year for once, after so long, with that money. It's because I'm not inhuman that I go and do a thing like that."
私は格別うれしくもなく、
I felt no particular joy, and
「人非人でもいいじゃないの。私たちは、生きていさえすればいいのよ」
"It's all right to be inhuman, isn't it. All we have to do is go on living."
と言いました。
I said.