私は、犬については自信がある。いつの日か、かならず喰いつかれるであろうという自信である。私は、きっと噛まれるにちがいない。自信があるのである。よくぞ、きょうまで喰いつかれもせず無事に過してきたものだと不思議な気さえしているのである。諸君、犬は猛獣である。馬を斃し、たまさかには獅子と戦ってさえこれを征服するとかいうではないか。さもありなんと私はひとり淋しく首肯しているのだ。あの犬の、鋭い牙を見るがよい。ただものではない。いまは、あのように街路で無心のふうを装い、とるに足らぬもののごとくみずから卑下して、芥箱を覗きまわったりなどしてみせているが、もともと馬を斃すほどの猛獣である。いつなんどき、怒り狂い、その本性を暴露するか、わかったものではない。犬はかならず鎖に固くしばりつけておくべきである。少しの油断もあってはならぬ。世の多くの飼い主は、みずから恐ろしき猛獣を養い、これに日々わずかの残飯を与えているという理由だけにて、まったくこの猛獣に心をゆるし、エスやエスやなど、気楽に呼んで、さながら家族の一員のごとく身辺に近づかしめ、三歳のわが愛子をして、その猛獣の耳をぐいと引っぱらせて大笑いしている図にいたっては、戦慄、眼を蓋わざるを得ないのである。不意に、わんといって喰いついたら、どうする気だろう。気をつけなければならぬ。飼い主でさえ、噛みつかれぬとは保証できがたい猛獣を、（飼い主だから、絶対に喰いつかれぬということは愚かな気のいい迷信にすぎない。あの恐ろしい牙のある以上、かならず噛む。
I have confidence when it comes to dogs. It is the confidence that someday, without fail, I will be bitten. I am certain to be bitten — there is no doubt about it. I have that confidence. I even find myself marveling that I have managed, up to this day, to get through unbitten and unharmed. Gentlemen, the dog is a fierce beast. Does it not, they say, bring down horses, and on rare occasion even do battle with the lion and conquer it? Well, of course, I nod to myself, alone and forlornly. Just look at that dog's sharp fangs. It is no ordinary creature. Now it puts on that air of innocence in the street, humbling itself as though beneath notice, nosing about in the garbage bins — but it is, at bottom, a fierce beast capable of felling a horse. There is no telling when it might fly into a rage and lay bare its true nature. A dog should always be kept firmly chained. Not the slightest carelessness should be permitted. Most owners in this world, for no better reason than that they themselves keep this fearsome beast and give it a scrap of leftovers each day, let down their guard toward it entirely — call it "Es" or some such, lightly, familiarly, let it draw near as though it were a member of the family, and when it comes to the sight of them letting their beloved three-year-old child give the beast's ear a good hard tug while they laugh out loud — I cannot help but shudder and cover my eyes. What do they mean to do if it should suddenly go woof and sink its teeth in? One must be careful. Even the owner cannot guarantee he will not be bitten by this beast — (that being the owner means one will absolutely never be bitten is nothing but a foolish, good-natured superstition. Given that it has those terrible fangs, it will surely bite.
けっして噛まないということは、科学的に証明できるはずはないのである）その猛獣を、放し飼いにして、往来をうろうろ徘徊させておくとは、どんなものであろうか。昨年の晩秋、私の友人が、ついにこれの被害を受けた。いたましい犠牲者である。友人の話によると、友人は何もせず横丁を懐手してぶらぶら歩いていると、犬が道路上にちゃんと坐っていた。友人は、やはり何もせず、その犬の傍を通った。犬はその時、いやな横目を使ったという。何事もなく通りすぎた、とたん、わんといって右の脚に喰いついたという。災難である。一瞬のことである。友人は、呆然自失したという。ややあって、くやし涙が沸いて出た。さもありなん、と私は、やはり淋しく首肯している。そうなってしまったら、ほんとうに、どうしようも、ないではないか。友人は、痛む脚をひきずって病院へ行き手当を受けた。それから二十一日間、病院へ通ったのである。三週間である。脚の傷がなおっても、体内に恐水病といういまわしい病気の毒が、あるいは注入されてあるかもしれぬという懸念から、その防毒の注射をしてもらわなければならぬのである。飼い主に談判するなど、その友人の弱気をもってしては、とてもできぬことである。じっと堪えて、おのれの不運に溜息ついているだけなのである。しかも、注射代などけっして安いものではなく、そのような余分の貯えは失礼ながら友人にあるはずもなく、いずれは苦しい算段をしたにちがいないので、とにかくこれは、ひどい災難である。大災難である。
That it will never bite cannot possibly be proven scientifically.) To let that beast run loose, to leave it wandering the roads at will — what sort of thing is that? Last year, in late autumn, a friend of mine finally fell victim to this. A pitiful casualty. According to my friend's account, he was doing nothing at all, merely strolling down a side street with his hands tucked in his sleeves, when there sat a dog, square in the road. My friend, again doing nothing, walked past the dog. The dog, he says, gave him an unpleasant sidelong look at that moment. He passed by without incident — and then, the instant he had, it went woof and sank its teeth into his right leg, or so he says. A calamity. It was over in an instant. My friend, he says, was struck senseless. After a while, tears of mortification welled up. Well, of course, I nod again, forlornly. Once it has come to that, truly, there is nothing to be done, is there. My friend dragged his aching leg to the hospital and had it treated. After that he went to the hospital for twenty-one days running. Three weeks. Even once the wound in his leg had healed, there remained the worry that the poison of that dreadful disease, hydrophobia, might have been injected into his body, so he had to have the preventive injections. To go and remonstrate with the owner — with my friend's timid nature, that was quite beyond him. He simply bore it in silence, sighing over his own bad luck. What's more, the cost of the injections was by no means cheap, and — forgive me for saying so — my friend could hardly have had such extra savings put by, so he must, in the end, have scraped the money together somehow, with great difficulty. In any case, this was a terrible calamity. A great calamity.
また、うっかり注射でも怠ろうものなら、恐水病といって、発熱悩乱の苦しみあって、果ては貌が犬に似てきて、四つ這いになり、ただわんわんと吠ゆるばかりだという、そんな凄惨な病気になるかもしれないということなのである。注射を受けながらの、友人の憂慮、不安は、どんなだったろう。友人は苦労人で、ちゃんとできた人であるから、醜くとり乱すこともなく、三七、二十一日病院に通い、注射を受けて、いまは元気に立ち働いているが、もしこれが私だったら、その犬、生かしておかないだろう。私は、人の三倍も四倍も復讐心の強い男なのであるから、また、そうなると人の五倍も六倍も残忍性を発揮してしまう男なのであるから、たちどころにその犬の頭蓋骨を、めちゃめちゃに粉砕し、眼玉をくり抜き、ぐしゃぐしゃに噛んで、べっと吐き捨て、それでも足りずに近所近辺の飼い犬ことごとく毒殺してしまうであろう。こちらが何もせぬのに、突然わんといって噛みつくとはなんという無礼、狂暴の仕草であろう。いかに畜生といえども許しがたい。畜生ふびんのゆえをもって、人はこれを甘やかしているからいけないのだ。容赦なく酷刑に処すべきである。昨秋、友人の遭難を聞いて、私の畜犬に対する日ごろの憎悪は、その極点に達した。青い焔が燃え上るほどの、思いつめたる憎悪である。
And moreover, should one carelessly neglect the injections, there is this disease called hydrophobia — one suffers fever and delirium, and in the end, they say, one's face comes to resemble a dog's, one goes about on all fours, and can do nothing but bark, woof woof — one might come down with so ghastly a disease as that. What must my friend's anxiety and unease have been like, all through those injections? My friend is a man who has known hardship, a thoroughly decent sort, so he went through it without any unseemly loss of composure — three sevens, twenty-one days, back and forth to the hospital, taking his injections — and now he is up and about in good health; but if it had been me, I would not have let that dog live. I am a man whose thirst for revenge runs three or four times stronger than other men's, and once roused, a man who displays five or six times their cruelty besides, so on the spot I would smash that dog's skull to bits, gouge out its eyes, chew them to a pulp and spit them out, and even that would not be enough — I would go on to poison every last dog kept in the neighborhood round about. For it, unprovoked, to suddenly go woof and sink its teeth in — what insolence, what a savage act. However much a dumb beast, it is unforgivable. It is because people, out of pity for the poor creature, go and spoil it, that this happens. It ought to be dealt with by merciless, severe punishment. Last autumn, on hearing of my friend's misfortune, my habitual hatred of dogs reached its very peak. A hatred so brooding it might have sent up blue flame.
ことしの正月、山梨県、甲府のまちはずれに八畳、三畳、一畳という草庵を借り、こっそり隠れるように住みこみ、下手な小説あくせく書きすすめていたのであるが、この甲府のまち、どこへ行っても犬がいる。おびただしいのである。往来に、あるいは佇み、あるいはながながと寝そべり、あるいは疾駆し、あるいは牙を光らせて吠えたて、ちょっとした空地でもあるとかならずそこは野犬の巣のごとく、組んずほぐれつ格闘の稽古にふけり、夜など無人の街路を風のごとく、野盗のごとくぞろぞろ大群をなして縦横に駈け廻っている。甲府の家ごと、家ごと、少くとも二匹くらいずつ養っているのではないかと思われるほどに、おびただしい数である。山梨県は、もともと甲斐犬の産地として知られているようであるが、街頭で見かける犬の姿は、けっしてそんな純血種のものではない。赤いムク犬が最も多い。採るところなきあさはかな駄犬ばかりである。もとより私は畜犬に対しては含むところがあり、また友人の遭難以来いっそう嫌悪の念を増し、警戒おさおさ怠るものではなかったのであるが、こんなに犬がうようよいて、どこの横丁にでも跳梁し、あるいはとぐろを巻いて悠然と寝ているのでは、とても用心しきれるものでなかった。私はじつに苦心をした。できることなら、すね当、こて当、かぶとをかぶって街を歩きたく思ったのである。けれども、そのような姿は、いかにも異様であり、風紀上からいっても、けっして許されるものではないのだから、私は別の手段をとらなければならぬ。私は、まじめに、真剣に、対策を考えた。私はまず犬の心理を研究した。
This past New Year, I rented a thatched little dwelling on the outskirts of Kōfu, in Yamanashi Prefecture — an eight-mat room, a three-mat room, a one-mat room — and moved in as if hiding away, and there, toiling away, kept pressing on with a poor sort of novel; but in this town of Kōfu, wherever one goes, there are dogs. An overwhelming number. In the road, some stand about, some lie stretched full length, some go tearing past, some bark with fangs bared and gleaming, and wherever there is so much as a scrap of vacant lot it is sure to become like a den of wild dogs, given over to grappling practice-fights, and at night, along the empty streets, they go racing about every which way in great straggling packs, like the wind, like a band of brigands. It is such an overwhelming number that one might suppose every single household in Kōfu keeps at least two dogs apiece. Yamanashi Prefecture is apparently known, originally, as a place where the Kai breed of dog is produced, but the dogs one sees about the streets are by no means of that pure-blooded sort. Reddish, shaggy mongrels are the most common. Nothing but shallow, worthless curs, without a single redeeming feature. From the very start I had a grudge against dogs, and since my friend's misfortune my loathing had only increased, so that I was never in the least remiss about staying on guard; but with dogs swarming like this, running riot down every side street, or lying coiled up and sleeping in perfect composure, there was simply no way to remain careful enough. I truly racked my brains over it. If it were at all possible, I wanted to walk the streets wearing shin-guards, arm-guards, and a helmet. But such a getup would be far too outlandish, and from the standpoint of public decency alone could never be permitted, so I had to take some other measure. I thought about countermeasures seriously, in earnest. First, I studied the psychology of the dog.
人間については、私もいささか心得があり、たまには的確に、あやまたず指定できたことなどもあったのであるが、犬の心理は、なかなかむずかしい。人の言葉が、犬と人との感情交流にどれだけ役立つものか、それが第一の難問である。言葉が役に立たぬとすれば、お互いの素振り、表情を読み取るよりほかにない。しっぽの動きなどは、重大である。けれども、この、しっぽの動きも、注意して見ているとなかなかに複雑で、容易に読みきれるものではない。私は、ほとんど絶望した。そうして、はなはだ拙劣な、無能きわまる一法を案出した。あわれな窮余の一策である。私は、とにかく、犬に出逢うと、満面に微笑を湛えて、いささかも害心のないことを示すことにした。夜は、その微笑が見えないかもしれないから、無邪気に童謡を口ずさみ、やさしい人間であることを知らせようと努めた。これらは、多少、効果があったような気がする。犬は私には、いまだ飛びかかってこない。けれどもあくまで油断は禁物である。犬の傍を通る時は、どんなに恐ろしくても、絶対に走ってはならぬ。にこにこ卑しい追従笑いを浮べて、無心そうに首を振り、ゆっくり、ゆっくり、内心、背中に毛虫が十匹這っているような窒息せんばかりの悪寒にやられながらも、ゆっくりゆっくり通るのである。つくづく自身の卑屈がいやになる。泣きたいほどの自己嫌悪を覚えるのであるが、これを行わないと、たちまち噛みつかれるような気がして、私は、あらゆる犬にあわれな挨拶を試みる。髪をあまりに長く伸ばしていると、あるいはウロンの者として吠えられるかもしれないから、あれほどいやだった床屋へも精出してゆくことにした。
When it comes to human beings, I too have some little understanding, and there have even been times when I could name a thing precisely, without error; but the psychology of the dog is a difficult matter indeed. How much human speech serves the emotional exchange between dog and man — that is the first great difficulty. If speech is of no use, then there is nothing for it but to read each other's gestures and expressions. The movement of the tail, for instance, is a matter of great importance. And yet this movement of the tail too, once one watches it closely, turns out to be quite complicated, and not something easily read through. I very nearly despaired. And so I devised one exceedingly clumsy, thoroughly incompetent method. A pitiful measure born of desperation. In any case, I resolved that whenever I met a dog, I would spread a smile across my whole face, to show I bore not the least ill will. At night, since the smile might not be visible, I made an effort to hum a nursery song, innocently, to let it be known I was a gentle sort of human being. I have a feeling these measures had some effect, to some degree. No dog has yet sprung at me. But even so, carelessness is absolutely forbidden. When passing a dog, however frightening it may be, one must never, under any circumstances, run. Wearing a fawning, servile smile, shaking one's head as though without a care, slowly, slowly — while inwardly assailed by a suffocating chill, as if ten caterpillars were crawling down one's back — slowly, slowly, one passes by. I am thoroughly sick of my own servility. I feel a self-loathing fierce enough to make me want to weep, but if I fail to do this, I feel I will at once be bitten, and so I attempt this pathetic greeting toward every dog I meet. And since, if I let my hair grow too long, I might be barked at as some suspicious character, I have taken to going diligently to the barber's, which I once disliked so much.
ステッキなど持って歩くと、犬のほうで威嚇の武器と勘ちがいして、反抗心を起すようなことがあってはならぬから、ステッキは永遠に廃棄することにした。犬の心理を計りかねて、ただ行き当りばったり、むやみやたらに御機嫌とっているうちに、ここに意外の現象が現われた。私は、犬に好かれてしまったのである。尾を振って、ぞろぞろ後についてくる。私は、じだんだ踏んだ。じつに皮肉である。かねがね私の、こころよからず思い、また最近にいたっては憎悪の極点にまで達している、その当の畜犬に好かれるくらいならば、いっそ私は駱駝に慕われたいほどである。どんな悪女にでも、好かれて気持の悪いはずはない、というのはそれは浅薄の想定である。プライドが、虫が、どうしてもそれを許容できない場合がある。堪忍ならぬのである。私は、犬をきらいなのである。早くからその狂暴の猛獣性を看破し、こころよからず思っているのである。たかだか日に一度や二度の残飯の投与にあずからんがために、友を売り、妻を離別し、おのれの身ひとつ、家の軒下に横たえ、忠義顔して、かつての友に吠え、兄弟、父母をも、けろりと忘却し、ただひたすらに飼主の顔色を伺い、阿諛追従てんとして恥じず、ぶたれても、きゃんといい尻尾まいて閉口してみせて、家人を笑わせ、その精神の卑劣、醜怪、犬畜生とはよくもいった。日に十里を楽々と走破しうる健脚を有し、獅子をも斃す白光鋭利の牙を持ちながら、懶惰無頼の腐りはてたいやしい根性をはばからず発揮し、一片の矜持なく、てもなく人間界に屈服し、隷属し、同族互いに敵視して、顔つきあわせると吠えあい、噛みあい、もって人間の御機嫌をとり結ぼうと努めている。
And since, were I to carry a walking stick, the dog might mistake it for a weapon of intimidation and be provoked to defiance, I have resolved to give up the stick forever. Unable to fathom the dog's psychology, simply currying favor with it at random, haphazardly, however it came — an unexpected phenomenon appeared here. I had come to be liked by dogs. They wag their tails and come trailing after me. I stamped my feet in vexation. It is truly ironic. If I must be liked by the very dogs I have long regarded with displeasure, and which of late have become the object of my utmost hatred, then I would sooner be adored by a camel. That being liked by any woman, however wicked, could never feel unpleasant — that is a shallow assumption. There are cases where one's pride, one's very gut, simply cannot allow it. It is intolerable. I dislike dogs. I saw through their savage, ferocious nature long ago, and have regarded them with displeasure ever since. For the sake of nothing more than one or two scraps of leftovers doled out a day, it will sell out its friends, divorce its own mate, lay its own single body down under the eaves of the house, and, putting on an air of loyalty, bark at a former friend, forget its own brothers, its own parents, without a qualm, do nothing but watch anxiously for its master's mood, flatter and fawn without the least shame, and even when beaten, yelp, tuck its tail, and put on a show of being cowed, to make the household laugh — the meanness, the sheer ugliness of that spirit — well might they call it a dog, a filthy beast. Possessed of legs sturdy enough to cover ten ri in a day with ease, and fangs of gleaming white sharp enough to bring down even a lion, it flaunts, without the least hesitation, a nature lazy, dissolute, rotten through and through, base — and with not a shred of pride, surrenders itself utterly and without resistance to the world of men, becomes their servant, turns hostile against its own kind, so that when two of them meet face to face they bark at each other, bite at each other — all in an effort to curry favor with man.
雀を見よ。何ひとつ武器を持たぬ繊弱の小禽ながら、自由を確保し、人間界とはまったく別個の小社会を営み、同類相親しみ、欣然日々の貧しい生活を歌い楽しんでいるではないか。思えば、思うほど、犬は不潔だ。犬はいやだ。なんだか自分に似ているところさえあるような気がして、いよいよ、いやだ。たまらないのである。その犬が、私を特に好んで、尾を振って親愛の情を表明してくるに及んでは、狼狽とも、無念とも、なんとも、いいようがない。あまりに犬の猛獣性を畏敬し、買いかぶり節度もなく媚笑を撒きちらして歩いたゆえ、犬は、かえって知己を得たものと誤解し、私を組みしやすしとみてとって、このような情ない結果に立ちいたったのであろうが、何事によらず、ものには節度が大切である。私は、いまだに、どうも、節度を知らぬ。
Look at the sparrow. A frail little bird possessed of no weapon whatsoever, and yet does it not secure its own freedom, carry on a small society entirely separate from the world of men, live in fellowship with its own kind, and joyfully sing out its poor daily life in delight? The more I think about it, the filthier the dog seems. I detest the dog. Somehow I even get the feeling it resembles me in certain ways, which makes me detest it all the more. I cannot bear it. And when it comes to that very dog taking a particular liking to me, wagging its tail and displaying its affection toward me — I hardly know whether to call it consternation, or mortification, or what. It must be that, having so revered the beast-like ferocity of dogs, having overrated it, and having gone about scattering fawning smiles without any moderation whatsoever, the dog mistook this, on the contrary, for having found a friend, judged me easy to handle, and so it has come to this wretched result — but whatever the matter at hand, moderation is essential in all things. And I, even now, seem not to know moderation at all.
早春のこと。夕食の少しまえに、私はすぐ近くの四十九聯隊の練兵場へ散歩に出て、二、三の犬が私のあとについてきて、いまにも踵をがぶりとやられはせぬかと生きた気もせず、けれども毎度のことであり、観念して無心平生を装い、ぱっと脱兎のごとく逃げたい衝動を懸命に抑え、抑え、ぶらりぶらり歩いた。犬は私についてきながら、みちみちお互いに喧嘩などはじめて、私は、わざと振りかえって見もせず、知らぬふりして歩いているのだが、内心、じつに閉口であった。ピストルでもあったなら、躊躇せずドカンドカンと射殺してしまいたい気持であった。犬は、私にそのような、外面如菩薩、内心如夜叉的の奸佞の害心があるとも知らず、どこまでもついてくる。練兵場をぐるりと一廻りして、私はやはり犬に慕われながら帰途についた。家へ帰りつくまでには、背後の犬もどこかへ雲散霧消しているのが、これまでの、しきたりであったのだが、その日に限って、ひどく執拗で馴れ馴れしいのが一匹いた。真黒の、見るかげもない小犬である。ずいぶん小さい。胴の長さ五寸の感じである。けれども、小さいからといって油断はできない。歯は、すでにちゃんと生えそろっているはずである。噛まれたら病院に三、七、二十一日間通わなければならぬ。それにこのような幼少なものには常識がないから、したがって気まぐれである。いっそう用心をしなければならぬ。小犬は後になり、さきになり、私の顔を振り仰ぎ、よたよた走って、とうとう私の家の玄関まで、ついてきた。
This was in early spring. A little before dinner, I went out for a walk to the drill grounds of the 49th Regiment nearby, and two or three dogs fell in behind me, so that I felt scarcely alive, in dread that at any moment my heel might be seized in a sudden snap of teeth — but it happened every time, so, resigned, I put on an air of indifference, my ordinary self, and desperately held down, held down the urge to bolt like a startled hare, and walked on, sauntering, sauntering. The dogs, following along after me, began to quarrel with one another along the way, and I, deliberately not so much as turning to look, walked on pretending not to notice — but inwardly, I was truly at my wits' end. Had I had a pistol, I would have felt like shooting them dead, bang, bang, without the least hesitation. The dogs, not knowing that I harbored such a treacherous, malicious heart — a bodhisattva's face without, a demon's heart within — kept following me, on and on. I made one full circuit of the drill grounds, and set off for home, adored by the dogs still. By the time I got home, the dogs at my heels would always have scattered and vanished into thin air somewhere along the way — that had been the custom up to now — but on that day alone, there was one dog that was terribly persistent and overfamiliar. A jet-black puppy, nothing much to look at. Quite small. Its body seemed about five sun long. But being small was no reason to let one's guard down. Its teeth would already be fully in, all in order. If it bit me, I would have to go to the hospital for three sevens, twenty-one days. And besides, a thing so young as this has no common sense, and is therefore capricious. All the more reason to be careful. The puppy fell behind, then ran ahead, looking up at my face, trotting unsteadily along, and in the end followed me all the way to the door of my house.
「おい。へんなものが、ついてきたよ」
"Hey. Something strange has followed me home."
「おや、可愛い」
"Oh my, how sweet."
「可愛いもんか。追っ払ってくれ、手荒くすると喰いつくぜ、お菓子でもやって」
"Sweet, my foot. Chase it off, would you — though if you're rough with it, it'll bite, so give it something sweet first."
れいの軟弱外交である。小犬は、たちまち私の内心畏怖の情を見抜き、それにつけこみ、ずうずうしくもそれから、ずるずる私の家に住みこんでしまった。そうしてこの犬は、三月、四月、五月、六、七、八、そろそろ秋風吹きはじめてきた現在にいたるまで、私の家にいるのである。私は、この犬には、幾度泣かされたかわからない。どうにも始末ができないのである。私はしかたなく、この犬を、ポチなどと呼んでいるのであるが、半年もともに住んでいながら、いまだに私は、このポチを、一家のものとは思えない。他人の気がするのである。しっくりゆかない。不和である。お互い心理の読みあいに火花を散らして戦っている。そうしてお互い、どうしても釈然と笑いあうことができないのである。
That was the usual weak-kneed diplomacy of mine. The puppy at once saw through my inward dread, took advantage of it, and, brazen thing, went on from there to settle itself into my house, little by little, before I knew it. And so this dog has stayed in my house from March, April, May, June, July, August, right up to the present, now that the autumn wind has begun, little by little, to blow. I could not say how many times this dog has brought me to tears. There is simply no dealing with it. For lack of anything else to do, I call this dog Pochi, or some such name, but even after living together half a year, I still cannot think of this Pochi as one of the family. It feels like a stranger to me. We do not get on. There is discord between us. We are locked in a battle, each trying to read the other's mind, sparks flying between us. And between us, somehow, we simply cannot laugh together with any real ease.
はじめこの家にやってきたころは、まだ子供で、地べたの蟻を不審そうに観察したり、蝦蟇を恐れて悲鳴を挙げたり、その様には私も思わず失笑することがあって、憎いやつであるが、これも神様の御心によってこの家へ迷いこんでくることになったのかもしれぬと、縁の下に寝床を作ってやったし、食い物も乳幼児むきに軟らかく煮て与えてやったし、蚤取粉などからだに振りかけてやったものだ。けれども、ひとつき経つと、もういけない。そろそろ駄犬の本領を発揮してきた。いやしい。もともと、この犬は練兵場の隅に捨てられてあったものにちがいない。私のあの散歩の帰途、私にまつわりつくようにしてついてきて、その時は、見るかげもなく痩せこけて、毛も抜けていてお尻の部分は、ほとんど全部禿げていた。私だからこそ、これに菓子を与え、おかゆを作り、荒い言葉一つかけるではなし、腫れものにさわるように鄭重にもてなしてあげたのだ。ほかの人だったら、足蹴にして追い散らしてしまったにちがいない。私のそんな親切なもてなしも、内実は、犬に対する愛情からではなく、犬に対する先天的な憎悪と恐怖から発した老獪な駈け引きにすぎないのであるが、けれども私のおかげで、このポチは、毛並もととのい、どうやら一人まえの男の犬に成長することを得たのではないか。私は恩を売る気はもうとうないけれども、少しは私たちにも何か楽しみを与えてくれてもよさそうに思われるのであるが、やはり捨犬はだめなものである。大めし食って、食後の運動のつもりであろうか、下駄をおもちゃにして無残に噛み破り、庭に干してある洗濯物を要らぬ世話して引きずりおろし、泥まみれにする。
When it first came to this house, it was still a pup, and would peer at the ants on the ground with a puzzled air, or shriek in fright at a toad, and at such sights I could not help but laugh despite myself — a hateful little creature, but I thought perhaps it too, by the will of God, had somehow lost its way and wandered into this house, and so I made it a bed under the floor, boiled its food soft, the way one does for an infant, and sprinkled flea powder over its body. But once a month had passed, it was already hopeless. Bit by bit it began to show its true colors as a worthless mongrel. Base. This dog must originally have been abandoned in a corner of the drill grounds. It came trailing after me, clinging to me, on my way home from that walk, and at the time it was so wretchedly thin as to be scarcely recognizable, its fur was falling out, and the whole area of its hindquarters was nearly bald. It was precisely because it was I that it was given sweets, had rice gruel made for it, was never once spoken to harshly, and was handled with kid gloves, with the utmost courtesy. Anyone else would surely have kicked it away and driven it off. Yet this kindly treatment of mine, in truth, sprang not from any affection for the dog, but was nothing more than a cunning stratagem born of my innate hatred and fear of dogs; still, it was thanks to me, was it not, that this Pochi's coat grew in properly and it somehow managed to grow into a full-grown male dog. I have not the slightest intention of currying credit for this, but it does seem to me that it might at least have given us some small pleasure in return; and yet, a stray dog is, after all, no good. Gorging itself on huge meals, and then, perhaps meaning it as exercise afterward, it takes my clogs as playthings and chews them to ruin, and, with quite uncalled-for meddling, drags down the washing hung out to dry in the garden and covers it in mud.
「こういう冗談はしないでおくれ。じつに、困るのだ。誰が君に、こんなことをしてくれとたのみましたか？」
"Don't play jokes like this on me. It's truly a nuisance. Who asked you to do such a thing?"
と、私は、内に針を含んだ言葉を、精いっぱい優しく、いや味をきかせて言ってやることもあるのだが、犬は、きょろりと眼を動かし、いや味を言い聞かせている当の私にじゃれかかる。なんという甘ったれた精神であろう。私はこの犬の鉄面皮には、ひそかに呆れ、これを軽蔑さえしたのである。長ずるに及んで、いよいよこの犬の無能が暴露された。だいいち、形がよくない。幼少のころには、も少し形の均斉もとれていて、あるいは優れた血が雑っているのかもしれぬと思わせるところあったのであるが、それは真赤ないつわりであった。胴だけが、にょきにょき長く伸びて、手足がいちじるしく短い。亀のようである。見られたものでなかった。そのような醜い形をして、私が外出すればかならず影のごとくちゃんと私につき従い、少年少女までが、やあ、へんてこな犬じゃと指さして笑うこともあり、多少見栄坊の私は、いくらすまして歩いても、なんにもならなくなるのである。いっそ他人のふりをしようと早足に歩いてみても、ポチは私の傍を離れず、私の顔を振り仰ぎ振り仰ぎ、あとになり、さきになり、からみつくようにしてついてくるのだから、どうしたって二人は他人のようには見えまい。気心の合った主従としか見えまい。おかげで私は外出のたびごとに、ずいぶん暗い憂欝な気持にさせられた。いい修行になったのである。ただ、そうして、ついて歩いていたころは、まだよかった。そのうちにいよいよ隠してあった猛獣の本性を暴露してきた。喧嘩格闘を好むようになったのである。私のお伴をして、まちを歩いて行きあう犬、行きあう犬、すべてに挨拶して通るのである。つまりかたっぱしから喧嘩して通るのである。
So I say to it, sometimes, in words that carry a needle hidden within, spoken as gently as I can manage while still making the sarcasm bite — but the dog merely rolls its eyes about and comes frisking up at the very me who is delivering the sarcasm. What a spoiled, presumptuous spirit. I was secretly amazed at this dog's brazen effrontery, and even came to despise it for it. As it grew, this dog's uselessness was exposed all the more. To begin with, its shape was no good. When it was young, its form had been rather more balanced, and there had been something about it to suggest that perhaps some superior blood was mixed in — but that turned out to be a bald-faced lie. Only its body kept stretching out longer and longer, while its legs remained conspicuously short. Like a turtle. It was not a thing fit to be looked at. With that ugly shape, whenever I went out it would follow at my heels without fail, exactly like a shadow, and even boys and girls would point and laugh, saying, look, what a funny-looking dog — and I, being somewhat vain, found that however composed a face I put on as I walked, it came to nothing. Even when I tried walking quickly, meaning to pass myself off as a stranger to it, Pochi would not leave my side, looking up at my face again and again, falling behind, running ahead, following after me as though entangled with me — so however one looked at it, the two of us could hardly seem like strangers. We could only seem like a master and servant perfectly attuned to each other. Thanks to this, every time I went out I was made to feel thoroughly gloomy and melancholy. It became good discipline for me. Still, the period when it simply followed along like that was, in fact, the better of it. Before long it began at last to reveal the ferocious nature it had kept hidden. It came to love quarrels and brawling. Accompanying me on my walks through town, it would greet every single dog it met along the way. That is to say, it went along picking fights with them, one after another, as it passed.
ポチは足も短く、若年でありながら、喧嘩は相当強いようである。空地の犬の巣に踏みこんで、一時に五匹の犬を相手に戦ったときはさすがに危く見えたが、それでも巧みに身をかわして難を避けた。非常な自信をもって、どんな犬にでも飛びかかってゆく。たまには勢負けして、吠えながらじりじり退却することもある。声が悲鳴に近くなり、真黒い顔が蒼黒くなってくる。いちど小牛のようなシェパアドに飛びかかっていって、あのときは、私が蒼くなった。はたして、ひとたまりもなかった。前足でころころポチをおもちゃにして、本気につきあってくれなかったのでポチも命が助かった。犬は、いちどあんなひどいめに逢うと、大へん意気地がなくなるものらしい。ポチは、それからは眼に見えて、喧嘩を避けるようになった。それに私は、喧嘩を好まず、否、好まぬどころではない、往来で野獣の組打ちを放置し許容しているなどは、文明国の恥辱と信じているので、かの耳を聾せんばかりのけんけんごうごう、きゃんきゃんの犬の野蛮のわめき声には、殺してもなおあき足らない憤怒と憎悪を感じているのである。私はポチを愛してはいない。恐れ、憎んでこそいるが、みじんも愛しては、いない。死んでくれたらいいと思っている。私にのこのこついてきて、何かそれが飼われているものの義務とでも思っているのか、途で逢う犬、逢う犬、かならず凄惨に吠えあって、主人としての私は、そのときどんなに恐怖にわななき震えていることか。自動車呼びとめて、それに乗ってドアをばたんと閉じ、一目散に逃げ去りたい気持なのである。
Pochi, short-legged and still young as it was, seemed to be a considerably strong fighter. When it once burst into a den of dogs on a vacant lot and took on five dogs at once, it did look, even to me, genuinely dangerous — but even so it skillfully dodged and slipped free of harm. With tremendous confidence, it would fly at any dog whatever. Now and then it would be overpowered and forced back, barking, retreating step by step. Its voice would come to sound almost like a shriek, and its jet-black face would turn a bruised, bluish black. Once it flew at a German shepherd as big as a calf, and that time it was I who turned pale. As I feared, Pochi did not stand a chance. But the shepherd merely batted it about with its forepaws, as though it were a plaything, never taking the fight seriously, so Pochi's life was spared. It seems a dog, once it has met with so terrible a beating, becomes thoroughly spiritless. From then on, Pochi visibly began avoiding fights. Besides, I myself dislike fighting — no, it is not merely that I dislike it, I believe that to permit and tolerate the grappling of wild beasts in the public road is a disgrace to any civilized nation, and so at those deafening, savage howls and yelps of dogs at war, ear-splitting, I feel a fury and hatred that killing them would still not satisfy. I do not love Pochi. I fear it, I hate it, truly — but I do not love it, not in the least. I think it would be better if it died. It comes trotting along after me, as though it thinks this is some sort of duty owed by a thing that is kept — and every single dog we meet along the way, it barks at ferociously without fail, and I, as its so-called master, how I tremble and quake with terror at such times. I feel like hailing a car, climbing in, slamming the door shut, and fleeing headlong, without so much as a backward glance.
犬同士の組打ちで終るべきものなら、まだしも、もし敵の犬が血迷って、ポチの主人の私に飛びかかってくるようなことがあったら、どうする。ないとは言わせぬ。血に飢えたる猛獣である。何をするか、わかったものでない。私はむごたらしく噛み裂かれ、三、七、二十一日間病院に通わなければならぬ。犬の喧嘩は、地獄である。私は、機会あるごとにポチに言い聞かせた。
If it were to end simply as a grappling match between dogs, that would be one thing still bearable — but what if the enemy dog, crazed with blood, should turn and fly at me, Pochi's own master? What then? I won't have it said this couldn't happen. It is a beast starved for blood. There is no telling what it might do. I would be savagely torn apart by its teeth and have to go to the hospital for three sevens, twenty-one days. A dog fight is hell. Every chance I got, I told Pochi so.
「喧嘩しては、いけないよ。喧嘩するなら、僕からはるか離れたところで、してもらいたい。僕は、おまえを好いてはいないんだ」
"You mustn't fight. If you're going to fight, I want you to do it far, far away from me. I don't like you, you know."
少し、ポチにもわかるらしいのである。そう言われると多少しょげる。いよいよ私は犬を、薄気味わるいものに思った。その私の繰り返し繰り返し言った忠告が効を奏したのか、あるいは、かのシェパアドとの一戦にぶざまな惨敗を喫したせいか、ポチは、卑屈なほど柔弱な態度をとりはじめた。私といっしょに路を歩いて、他の犬がポチに吠えかけると、ポチは、
Pochi seemed to understand this, a little. Told so, it would droop somewhat. All the more, I came to think of dogs as something faintly eerie. Whether it was my repeated, repeated warnings taking effect, or the after-effect of that disgraceful, crushing defeat in its battle with the shepherd, Pochi began to take on an attitude so meek as to be almost servile. Walking the road together with me, when another dog would bark at Pochi, Pochi would seem to say —
「ああ、いやだ、いやだ。野蛮ですねえ」
"Ah, how tiresome, how tiresome. How savage, really."
と言わんばかり、ひたすら私の気に入られようと上品ぶって、ぶるっと胴震いさせたり、相手の犬を、しかたのないやつだね、とさもさも憐れむように流し目で見て、そうして、私の顔色を伺い、へっへっへっと卑しい追従笑いするかのごとく、その様子のいやらしいったらなかった。
As if to say just that, it would put on airs, solely intent on winning my favor, giving a shudder through its whole body, casting a sidelong glance at the other dog as if to say, well, there's a hopeless case, in a show of the deepest pity, and then, watching my face for its effect, going through the motions of a low, fawning snicker, heh, heh, heh; the unpleasantness of the whole performance was beyond words.
「一つも、いいところないじゃないか、こいつは。ひとの顔色ばかり伺っていやがる」
"There isn't a single good thing about this creature, is there. All it does is watch to see how I'm feeling."
「あなたが、あまり、へんにかまうからですよ」家内は、はじめからポチに無関心であった。洗濯物など汚されたときはぶつぶつ言うが、あとはけろりとして、ポチポチと呼んで、めしを食わせたりなどしている。「性格が破産しちゃったんじゃないかしら」と笑っている。
"That's because you fuss over it so strangely." My wife had been indifferent to Pochi from the start. When the washing got dirtied she would grumble, but otherwise she stayed perfectly unconcerned, calling out Pochi, Pochi, feeding it its meals and so on. "I wonder if its character's gone bankrupt," she says, laughing.
「飼い主に、似てきたというわけかね」私は、いよいよ、にがにがしく思った。
"So it's come to resemble its owner, is that it." I found it more and more distasteful.
七月にはいって、異変が起った。私たちは、やっと、東京の三鷹村に、建築最中の小さい家を見つけることができて、それの完成ししだい、一か月二十四円で貸してもらえるように、家主と契約の証書交して、そろそろ移転の仕度をはじめた。家ができ上ると、家主から速達で通知が来ることになっていたのである。ポチは、もちろん、捨ててゆかれることになっていたのである。
When July came, something unexpected happened. We had at last managed to find a small house under construction in Mitaka Village, Tokyo, and, having exchanged a contract with the landlord to rent it for twenty-four yen a month as soon as it was finished, we gradually began preparations to move. Once the house was finished, the landlord was to send us notice by express mail. Pochi, of course, was to be left behind.
「連れていったって、いいのに」家内は、やはりポチをあまり問題にしていない。どちらでもいいのである。
"You could take it along, you know." My wife, again, made little issue of Pochi one way or the other. Either way was fine with her.
「だめだ。僕は、可愛いから養っているんじゃないんだよ。犬に復讐されるのが、こわいから、しかたなくそっとしておいてやっているのだ。わからんかね」
"No good. I'm not keeping it because it's cute, you know. I'm afraid of being taken revenge on by the dog, so I'm leaving it be, out of sheer necessity. Don't you understand?"
「でも、ちょっとポチが見えなくなると、ポチはどこへ行ったろう、どこへ行ったろう、と大騒ぎじゃないの」
"But whenever Pochi's out of sight even for a moment, you go on about where has Pochi gone, where has Pochi gone, making such a fuss."
「いなくなると、いっそう薄気味が悪いからさ、僕に隠れて、ひそかに同志を糾合しているのかもわからない。あいつは、僕に軽蔑されていることを知っているんだ。復讐心が強いそうだからなあ、犬は」
"That's because it's all the more unnerving once it's out of sight — there's no telling but that it's off somewhere, hidden from me, secretly rallying its comrades. That fellow knows I hold him in contempt. They say dogs have a strong bent for revenge, after all."
いまこそ絶好の機会であると思っていた。この犬をこのまま忘れたふりして、ここへ置いて、さっさと汽車に乗って東京へ行ってしまえば、まさか犬も、笹子峠を越えて三鷹村まで追いかけてくることはなかろう。私たちは、ポチを捨てたのではない。まったくうっかりして連れてゆくことを忘れたのである。罪にはならない。またポチに恨まれる筋合もない。復讐されるわけはない。
I thought that now was precisely the perfect opportunity. If we simply pretended to forget this dog, left it right here, and got promptly on the train for Tokyo, surely even a dog would not come chasing after us over Sasago Pass, all the way to Mitaka Village. We were not abandoning Pochi. We had simply, quite carelessly, forgotten to bring it along. That could not be counted a crime. Nor did Pochi have any grounds to bear us a grudge. There was no reason for it to take revenge.
「だいじょうぶだろうね。置いていっても、飢え死するようなことはないだろうね。死霊の祟りということもあるからね」
"It'll be all right, won't it. It won't starve to death just because we leave it, will it. There's such a thing as the curse of a vengeful spirit, after all."
「もともと、捨犬だったんですもの」家内も、少し不安になった様子である。
"It was a stray dog to begin with, after all." My wife, too, seemed to have grown a little uneasy.
「そうだね。飢え死することはないだろう。なんとか、うまくやってゆくだろう。あんな犬、東京へ連れていったんじゃ、僕は友人に対して恥ずかしいんだ。胴が長すぎる。みっともないねえ」
"That's right. It won't starve to death. It'll manage somehow, one way or another. Besides, if I brought a dog like that to Tokyo, I'd be embarrassed in front of my friends. Its body's too long. It's an unsightly thing, really."
ポチは、やはり置いてゆかれることに、確定した。すると、ここに異変が起った。ポチが、皮膚病にやられちゃった。これが、またひどいのである。さすがに形容をはばかるが、惨状、眼をそむけしむるものがあったのである。おりからの炎熱とともに、ただならぬ悪臭を放つようになった。こんどは家内が、まいってしまった。
So it was settled, after all, that Pochi would be left behind. And then, at this point, something else unexpected occurred. Pochi came down with a skin disease. And this, too, was a terrible thing. I hesitate, even now, to describe it, but its state was so wretched as to make one turn one's eyes away. Along with the burning heat of the season, it began to give off an extraordinary stench. This time it was my wife who was overcome.
「ご近所にわるいわ。殺してください」女は、こうなると男よりも冷酷で、度胸がいい。
"It's not fair to the neighbors. Please kill it." A woman, when it comes to this, is colder and has more nerve than a man.
「殺すのか」私は、ぎょっとした。「もう少しの我慢じゃないか」
"Kill it?" I was taken aback. "Can't we bear with it just a little longer?"
私たちは、三鷹の家主からの速達を一心に待っていた。七月末には、できるでしょうという家主の言葉であったのだが、七月もそろそろおしまいになりかけて、きょうか明日かと、引越しの荷物もまとめてしまって待機していたのであったが、なかなか、通知が来ないのである。問いあわせの手紙を出したりなどしている時に、ポチの皮膚病がはじまったのである。見れば、見るほど、酸鼻の極である。ポチも、いまはさすがに、おのれの醜い姿を恥じている様子で、とかく暗闇の場所を好むようになり、たまに玄関の日当りのいい敷石の上で、ぐったり寝そべっていることがあっても、私が、それを見つけて、
We waited, our whole attention fixed, for the express letter from the landlord in Mitaka. The landlord's word had been that it should be ready by the end of July, but July was already drawing toward its close, and we had our moving baggage all packed and were simply waiting, thinking any day now, today or tomorrow — yet the notice did not come, no matter how long we waited. It was while we were sending off letters of inquiry and so on that Pochi's skin disease began. The more one looked at it, the more it was the very extreme of horror. Even Pochi now, at last, seemed to feel some shame at its own hideous state, and had taken to preferring dark, shadowed places; but on the rare occasion it lay sprawled out on the sunny flagstone by the front door, and I would spot it there, and —
「わあ、ひでえなあ」と罵倒すると、いそいで立ち上って首を垂れ、閉口したようにこそこそ縁の下にもぐりこんでしまうのである。
"Whoa, that's disgusting" — abuse it like that, and it would hurriedly get up, hang its head, and, looking utterly cowed, slink furtively away under the floor.
それでも私が外出するときには、どこからともなく足音忍ばせて出てきて、私についてこようとする。こんな化け物みたいなものに、ついてこられて、たまるものか、とその都度、私は、だまってポチを見つめてやる。あざけりの笑いを口角にまざまざと浮べて、なんぼでも、ポチを見つめてやる。これは大へんききめがあった。ポチは、おのれの醜い姿にハッと思い当る様子で、首を垂れ、しおしおどこかへ姿を隠す。
Even so, whenever I went out, it would come creeping out from who knows where, its footsteps hushed, and try to follow after me. As if I could stand being followed by such a monstrous-looking thing — and each time, I would silently fix Pochi with a stare. With a mocking smile plainly rising at the corners of my mouth, I would go on staring at Pochi, for as long as it took. This had a considerable effect. Pochi, seeming to be struck all at once by the thought of its own ugly state, would hang its head and slink dejectedly away out of sight, somewhere or other.
「とっても、我慢ができないの。私まで、むず痒くなって」家内は、ときどき私に相談する。「なるべく見ないように努めているんだけれど、いちど見ちゃったら、もうだめね。夢の中にまで出てくるんだもの」
"I really can't stand it. Even I start to itch just looking." My wife consults me about it now and then. "I try not to look at it as much as I can, but once I've seen it, that's it — it's hopeless. It even comes into my dreams."
「まあ、もうすこしの我慢だ」がまんするよりほかはないと思った。たとえ病んでいるとはいっても、相手は一種の猛獣である。下手に触ったら噛みつかれる。「明日にでも、三鷹から、返事が来るだろう、引越してしまったら、それっきりじゃないか」
"Well, a little more patience, that's all." There was nothing for it, I thought, but to endure. Diseased as he was, the creature was still a kind of wild beast — touch him carelessly and he'd bite. "Word will come from Mitaka any day now, tomorrow even, and once we've moved, won't that be the end of it?"
三鷹の家主から返事が来た。読んで、がっかりした。雨が降りつづいて壁が乾かず、また人手も不足で完成までには、もう十日くらいかかる見こみ、というのであった。うんざりした。ポチから逃れるためだけでも、早く、引越してしまいたかったのだ。私は、へんな焦躁感で、仕事も手につかず、雑誌を読んだり、酒を呑んだりした。ポチの皮膚病は一日一日ひどくなっていって、私の皮膚も、なんだか、しきりに痒くなってきた。深夜、戸外でポチが、ばたばたばた痒さに身悶えしている物音に、幾度ぞっとさせられたかわからない。たまらない気がした。いっそひと思いにと、狂暴な発作に駆られることも、しばしばあった。家主からは、さらに二十日待て、と手紙が来て、私のごちゃごちゃの忿懣が、たちまち手近のポチに結びついて、こいつあるがために、このように諸事円滑にすすまないのだ、と何もかも悪いことは皆、ポチのせいみたいに考えられ、奇妙にポチを呪咀し、ある夜、私の寝巻に犬の蚤が伝播されてあることを発見するに及んで、ついにそれまで堪えに堪えてきた怒りが爆発し、私はひそかに重大の決意をした。
The answer came from the landlord in Mitaka. I read it and my heart sank. The rain had kept on falling, the plaster wouldn't dry, and besides there weren't enough hands — it would be another ten days or so before the place was finished, he said. I was sick of it. If only to escape Pochi, I wanted to move as soon as possible. A strange restlessness came over me; I couldn't settle to work, and instead read magazines or drank. Pochi's skin disease grew worse day by day, and my own skin, oddly enough, had begun to itch without let-up. Late at night I would hear him outside, thrashing about in fits of itching, and I couldn't say how many times the sound made me go cold with dread. It was unbearable. More than once I was seized by a violent impulse to be done with it all in one stroke. Then a letter came from the landlord asking me to wait another twenty days, and all my tangled resentment fastened itself at once onto Pochi, close at hand — it was because of this creature, I thought, that nothing was going smoothly; every misfortune came to seem somehow his fault, and I fell into a strange kind of cursing him, until one night, on discovering that fleas from the dog had spread to my own nightclothes, the anger I had endured and endured at last broke, and I secretly resolved on something grave.
殺そうと思ったのである。相手は恐るべき猛獣である。常の私だったら、こんな乱暴な決意は、逆立ちしたってなしえなかったところのものなのであったが、盆地特有の酷暑で、少しへんになっていた矢先であったし、また、毎日、何もせず、ただぽかんと家主からの速達を待っていて、死ぬほど退屈な日々を送って、むしゃくしゃいらいら、おまけに不眠も手伝って発狂状態であったのだから、たまらない。その犬の蚤を発見した夜、ただちに家内をして牛肉の大片を買いに走らせ、私は、薬屋に行きある種の薬品を少量、買い求めた。これで用意はできた。家内は少なからず興奮していた。私たち鬼夫婦は、その夜、鳩首して小声で相談した。
I had decided to kill him. He was a fearsome wild beast. In my ordinary state of mind such a violent resolve would have been beyond me even standing on my head, but the basin's peculiar, punishing heat had left me a little deranged just then, and besides, day after day I had done nothing but sit blankly waiting for the landlord's express letter, passing days so boring I could have died, all nerves and irritation, and with the insomnia added on top of it I was in something close to a state of madness — small wonder, then. The night I discovered the fleas, I sent my wife running out at once to buy a large piece of beef, while I went to the pharmacist and bought a small quantity of a certain drug. With that, the preparations were complete. My wife was not a little agitated. That night the two of us, a pair of devils, put our heads together and conferred in low voices.
翌る朝、四時に私は起きた。目覚時計を掛けておいたのであるが、それの鳴りださぬうちに、眼が覚めてしまった。しらじらと明けていた。肌寒いほどであった。私は竹の皮包をさげて外へ出た。
The next morning I woke at four. I had set the alarm clock, but I woke before it had a chance to ring. Dawn had already whitened the sky. It was chilly, almost cold. I went out carrying the bamboo-sheath bundle.
「おしまいまで見ていないですぐお帰りになるといいわ」家内は玄関の式台に立って見送り、落ち着いていた。
"You needn't watch it to the end — you should come straight back," my wife said. She stood at the entryway step to see me off, and she was calm.
「心得ている。ポチ、来い！」
"I know that already. Pochi, come!"
ポチは尾を振って縁の下から出てきた。
Pochi came out from under the veranda, wagging his tail.
「来い、来い！」私は、さっさと歩きだした。きょうは、あんな、意地悪くポチの姿を見つめるようなことはしないので、ポチも自身の醜さを忘れて、いそいそ私についてきた。霧が深い。まちはひっそり眠っている。私は、練兵場へいそいだ。途中、おそろしく大きい赤毛の犬が、ポチに向って猛烈に吠えたてた。ポチは、れいによって上品ぶった態度を示し、何を騒いでいるのかね、とでも言いたげな蔑視をちらとその赤毛の犬にくれただけで、さっさとその面前を通過した。赤毛は、卑劣である。無法にもポチの背後から、風のごとく襲いかかり、ポチの寒しげな睾丸をねらった。ポチは、咄嗟にくるりと向きなおったが、ちょっと躊躇し、私の顔色をそっと伺った。
"Come, come!" I set off walking briskly. Today I didn't fix him with that spiteful stare of mine, so Pochi too forgot his own ugliness and trotted after me eagerly. The fog was thick. The town lay hushed in sleep. I hurried toward the drill ground. Along the way a fearsomely large red dog came at Pochi, barking furiously. Pochi, as always, put on his air of refinement, sparing the red dog only a glance of contempt that seemed to say, now what's all this fuss about, and passed calmly on by. The red dog was despicable. Lawlessly it sprang from behind like a gust of wind and went for Pochi's chilly-looking testicles. Pochi wheeled around in an instant, hesitated a moment, and stole a glance at my face.
「やれ！」私は大声で命令した。「赤毛は卑怯だ！ 思う存分やれ！」
"Get him!" I shouted the order. "That red one's a coward! Give it to him as hard as you like!"
ゆるしが出たのでポチは、ぶるんと一つ大きく胴震いして、弾丸のごとく赤犬のふところに飛びこんだ。たちまち、けんけんごうごう、二匹は一つの手毬みたいになって、格闘した。赤毛は、ポチの倍ほども大きい図体をしていたが、だめであった。ほどなく、きゃんきゃん悲鳴を挙げて敗退した。おまけにポチの皮膚病までうつされたかもわからない。ばかなやつだ。
With permission granted, Pochi gave one great shudder down his whole body and flew like a bullet straight at the red dog's chest. In an instant, snarling and howling, the two of them became a single tangled ball, grappling. The red dog had a build twice the size of Pochi's, but it was no good. Before long it fled yelping in defeat. On top of everything, it may well have caught Pochi's skin disease too. What a fool.
喧嘩が終って、私は、ほっとした。文字どおり手に汗して眺めていたのである。一時は二匹の犬の格闘に巻きこまれて、私もともに死ぬるような気さえしていた。おれは噛み殺されたっていいんだ。ポチよ、思う存分、喧嘩をしろ！ と異様に力んでいたのであった。ポチは、逃げてゆく赤毛を少し追いかけ、立ちどまって、私の顔色をちらと伺い、きゅうにしょげて、首を垂れすごすご私のほうへ引返してきた。
When the fight ended, I felt relief. I had watched it, quite literally, with my palms sweating. For a moment I had felt so drawn into the two dogs' struggle that I half believed I too might die alongside them. Let them bite me to death if it comes to that. Fight it out, Pochi, fight with everything you have! — I had been straining with some strange fierceness of my own. Pochi chased the fleeing red dog a little way, then stopped, glanced at my face, and all at once lost heart; head hanging, he came slinking back to me.
「よし！ 強いぞ」ほめてやって私は歩きだし、橋をかたかた渡って、ここはもう練兵場である。
"Good boy! You're a strong one." I praised him and set off walking again, my footsteps clattering over the bridge — and now we were already at the drill ground.
むかしポチは、この練兵場に捨てられた。だからいま、また、この練兵場へ帰ってきたのだ。おまえのふるさとで死ぬがよい。
Long ago Pochi had been abandoned on this very drill ground. And so now, once again, he had come back to this drill ground. Die, then, in your old home.
私は立ちどまり、ぼとりと牛肉の大片を私の足もとへ落として、
I stopped, and let the large piece of beef drop with a thud at my feet, and
「ポチ、食え」私はポチを見たくなかった。ぼんやりそこに立ったまま、「ポチ、食え」足もとで、ぺちゃぺちゃ食べている音がする。一分たたぬうちに死ぬはずだ。
"Pochi, eat." I didn't want to look at him. I simply stood there, vacant, and said again, "Pochi, eat." At my feet came the sound of him eating, smack, smack. He was meant to be dead within the minute.
私は猫背になって、のろのろ歩いた。霧が深い。ほんのちかくの山が、ぼんやり黒く見えるだけだ。南アルプス連峰も、富士山も、何も見えない。朝露で、下駄がびしょぬれである。私はいっそうひどい猫背になって、のろのろ帰途についた。橋を渡り、中学校のまえまで来て、振り向くとポチが、ちゃんといた。面目なげに、首を垂れ、私の視線をそっとそらした。
I hunched my shoulders and walked slowly on. The fog was thick. Only the nearest mountains showed, dim and black. Not the Southern Alps, not Fuji — nothing at all could be seen. My geta were soaked through with morning dew. Hunching my shoulders even more, I trudged on my way home. I crossed the bridge, and when I reached the middle school and turned around, there was Pochi, sure enough, right behind me. Looking shamefaced, he hung his head and quietly turned his eyes from mine.
私も、もう大人である。いたずらな感傷はなかった。すぐ事態を察知した。薬品が効かなかったのだ。うなずいて、もうすでに私は、白紙還元である。家へ帰って、
I too was an adult by now. There was no idle sentimentality in me. I grasped the situation at once: the drug hadn't worked. I nodded, and already I had reverted, clean, to where I'd started. I went home, and—
「だめだよ。薬が効かないのだ。ゆるしてやろうよ。あいつには、罪がなかったんだぜ。芸術家は、もともと弱い者の味方だったはずなんだ」私は、途中で考えてきたことをそのまま言ってみた。「弱者の友なんだ。芸術家にとって、これが出発で、また最高の目的なんだ。こんな単純なこと、僕は忘れていた。僕だけじゃない。みんなが、忘れているんだ。僕は、ポチを東京へ連れてゆこうと思うよ。友がもしポチの恰好を笑ったら、ぶん殴ってやる。卵あるかい？」
"No good. The drug doesn't work. Let's forgive him. He was never guilty of anything, really. An artist was always supposed to be on the side of the weak." I said aloud, just as it was, what I had been thinking on the way back. "A friend to the weak — that's it. For an artist that's the starting point, and it's the highest aim too. Such a simple thing, and I had forgotten it. Not only me — everyone's forgotten it. I think I'll take Pochi with me to Tokyo. If any friend of mine laughs at how he looks, I'll knock him flat. Do we have any eggs?"
「ええ」家内は、浮かぬ顔をしていた。
"Yes," my wife said, her face clouded.
「ポチにやれ、二つあるなら、二つやれ。おまえも我慢しろ。皮膚病なんてのは、すぐなおるよ」
"Give it to Pochi — if there are two, give him both. You'll just have to put up with it too. A skin disease like that will clear up soon enough."
「ええ」家内は、やはり浮かぬ顔をしていた。
"Yes," my wife said, her face still clouded.